So many beauty blogs! So little time! And there are all of those endlessly updated #FOTD and #LOTD and #NOTD that it really is hard to keep up sometimes. So why should you read Facegoop? Well it’s sort of the anti-beauty blog if you like. If you’re not into beauty blogs, you’ll probably really enjoy it. And if you love beauty blogs, you’ll find this a refreshing change. Written by two slightly anonymous ladies called ‘M’ and ‘E’ (could that be a coincidence we wonder?), Facegoop makes for absolutely hilarious reading.

When and why did you start blogging?

E: Ha, M may tell this differently, but it was in 2010 and I think it started when we were g-chatting about Elemis Super Soak, which we both consider to be essentially liquid opium. I found our chat quite amusing (it covered comfort blankets, broken penises and much much more), so I posted it on my blog, people liked it, and we thought we could do more in the same vein. I think it was M’s idea. She certainly came up with the name.

What’s your daytime face?

E: Sort of angry, pasty, frowny. Oh, you mean make up? A tinted moisturiser (I love Laura Mercier and Becca) and gel liner is my basic minimum. Lanolips balm. I work from home, so there’s only the dog to judge me.
M: E stole my joke. I was going to go for “irascible”. My daytime face is 75% Armani - Face Fabric foundation and blusher, Maestro eyeshadow - and 25% cheap whatever’s at hand. Usually a Maybelline mascara and a sheer moisturising lipstick.

And evening make-up?

E: I like Armani foundations - they have great textures and good but subtle coverage. Maybe an iridescent gel eyeliner (Shu Uemura do nice ones), and a nice pink lip. Oh, who am I kidding. I NEVER GO OUT. But that’s what I’d wear if I did.
M: My evenings usually involve a lot of sweaty swing dancing, so I go for things I know won’t melt off my face: Armani Lasting Silk foundation, Chanel Illusion d’Ombre eyeshadow, Shu Uemura liquid liner, and one of those Kate Moss lipsticks Rimmel do in bright colours.

Favourite niche European brand?

E: Organic Brittany brand Iroisie do incredibly gentle, effective skin care.
M: It’s not a beauty brand as such, but because I’m quite accident prone, I love the Homeoplasmine balm you can get in French pharmacies. It’s great on the lips, and it heals a burn like nothing else.

Always in your make-up bag?

E: Bobbi Brown gel ink liner in Caviar Ink, Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage, Lanolips Rhubarb. Usually a few old biscuits too.
M: I don’t actually own a make up bag. I could never find the motivation to redo my make up during the day. But I usually have 4 or 5 lipsticks collecting crumbs at the bottom of my bag.

Current make-up crush?

E: That would have to be Lipstick Queen, Poppy King’s amazing new lippie range. The “Medieval” balm/stain is my new wonder product. I want to stockpile a million under my bed.
M: I can’t wait to break out my über pink Estée Lauder Portofino Coral lipstick. Because it will herald the arrival of Spring. Sweet sweet Spring.

Favourite DIY home treatment?

E: Is a huge bath with Dead Sea salt and Elemis Supersoak a beauty treatment? If so, that. Otherwise: sleeping. Cheap red wine. Goose rillettes on Poilâne bread. Oh hang on, I’m not doing this right, am I?
M: ELEMIS ACHING MUSCLE SUPER SOAK. We go on and on about it, because it is truly miraculous. Like a unicorn giving you a massage and then singing you a lullaby. On a slightly less glamorous note, I recently learned to thread my luxuriant moustache, which makes a huge difference to how groomed I feel.

Best luxury buy?

E: Chanel Mademoiselle lipstick, because it’s gorgeously flattering and it smells wonderful. Or Frédéric Malle body creams which are amazingly fragrant and softening and sexy.
M: I really want one of those very expensive hair brushes from Mason and Pearson. I’ve never had one, but I suspect it may change my life.

Favourite skincare product?

E: I’m a big fan of Elemental Herbology’s Facial Soufflé night cream, even though the name is plainly ridiculous.
M: Seconded. It’s like someone tucking your face in to bed. E and I have completely different skin types, but it works for both of us. Their facial peel is also excellent.

What beauty addresses can we find in your little black book?

E: John Vial at Real Hair who I adore and have been seeing since my teens. Good gossip, great hair, many laughs.
M: Oh yes, hair. I’d forgotten about hair. I go to Blue Tit in Clapton. It’s hilariously hipsterish, but they are very friendly and talented. If money is no object, then the Six Senses Spa in Yao Noi is basically heaven on earth. Tubs deep enough to stand in, waterfalls in the treatment rooms, and the most gentle and kind therapists known to man. It makes me weep with longing.

Do you read any other blogs?

E: I like that Lisa Eldridge.
M: I’m skincare obsessed, and love Caroline Hirons at Beauty Mouth for her expert advice and slight grumpiness.

What perfumes can we find in your fragrance library?

E: Oooh, I’m a bit of a fragrance nut. I love James Heeley‘s scents, especially Menthe Fraîche in summer which is properly minty and herbal, and Cuir Pleine Fleur which is a sort of soapy leather and violets and Frédéric Malle’s Portrait of a Lady is my favourite wintry fragrance. I like Jo Malone’s Blackberry and Bay, Serge Lutens’ L’Eau, and Vetiver Bourbon from Miller Harris.
M: *cough* perfume nerd *cough*. I use a Miss Dior perfume called “Blooming Bouquet”, which is a hilarious name. It’s kind of floral and girly and generic, really. E recently gave me a bottle of Jour d’Hermès and I quite like it - there’s something leathery and powdery about it which makes me feel a bit more grown up.

Favourite beauty trend this season?

E: God knows. I’m leaving this one to M.
M: Eh? What do I know? I’m going to say big, glamorous 40s style wavy hair, just because I love prancing about my flat in a full set of pin curls.

How should brands engage with beauty bloggers?

E: You mean should Giorgio Armani take us out on his yacht? Yes, absolutely. We promise not to steal (much of) the cutlery.

Can you run in heels?

E: Depends. Am I being chased? By what? A velociraptor? Is there cake if I survive? (No).
M: Running is for losers. But dancing in heels? Now you’re talking.