Dads are amusing creatures not despite but mainly because of their inability to stop worrying about your spending, bad bosses and stubbornly non-waterproof footwear. You may need two hands to count the years that have passed since you left home, get frequent promotions at work and have long surpassed him in trivial knowledge of world politics – yet none of that has removed the in-built concern from his hard-drive. And it is hopelessly endearing and worth an annual acknowledgement – which is why there’s a day for it. So far, so simple.

But, what if your habit of repeatedly failing to honour this day of gratitude is the one thing your dad should really worry about? What if you just can’t get it right? Here’s what: admit defeat, master the art of screwing up creatively – it might even make him laugh.

1. Your dad has recently gone all eco-friendly, reading the paper online and carrying a shopper. (I know, mine neither, but they do exist.) You send him an e-card and an iTunes voucher in an effort to avoid a lecture about trees. Bursting with pride over getting it right and on time, you send it to his work email address. He spends all of Sunday waiting and hoping, in vain.

2. You buy him a shirt that – he not-so-subtly informs you – makes him look out of touch.

3. You know the most precious gift a dad wants is time spent together, so you take him bowling. He either breaks his back or is beaten by your sister’s new boyfriend who just tagged along to even out the numbers.

4. You wake up utterly hungover, at an obscene hour, only to realise the newsagent closes early on Sundays and you haven’t got any credit left on your mobile. Alternatively, you have no idea about you or your charger’s whereabouts and realise you wasted your iPhone’s battery on the iPint app.

5. You always remember Mother’s Day.

6. You’ve agreed to celebrate Father’s Day on the day it is in the country you’re currently living in, in order to actually be able to find a Father’s Day card in the shops two weeks before the day, not five months. You never wrote it down and sail through both dates, blissfully ignoring all adverts, thinking it’s always the other one that requires work.

7. Your dad gives you a call before you do. Not in the morning half of the day.

8. You spend a week on eBay, bidding for that signed monochrome photograph of Rita, Julia or Dita – subsequently causing fits of jealousy and insecurity from your dad’s girlfriend when he unwraps it.

9. You are blessed with siblings who do remember, who do make the effort, who without asking sign your name on the card and say “This is from all of us, dad.”. They’ve even stopped asking you for the money.

10. You’ve made it this far without realising that yes, that hilarious postcard is still between the pages of the latest copy of Vogue at the bottom of your handbag.