But what do you bond over these days?

Once upon a time, friendship could be characterised by who you chose to share your bag of penny sweets with. Friendships, and whether or not you had the cachet in fizzy cola bottles, change as you get older and making the distinctions between BFFs, acquaintances and Facebook friends can be quite confusing.

Once you enter your twenties and beyond, the rules of friendship are blurred without the routine of school, college or university. Opportunities to make new friends are few and far between while the people you used to share your sweets with may well have drifted out of your life.

Dial-a-Friend

Scroll through your phone and you will no doubt find several different kinds of friend. If you’re lucky, your address book will provide you with a peacemaker, a listener, a gossip, an adventurer, a confidant and a good laugh. If you’re extra lucky you may find all of these characteristics in one person. Consciously or otherwise, we tend to pigeonhole the people that come into our lives and our friends are no exception. Here are a few types of friend that you may no longer connect with in the same way…

● The School Friend

Why you love her: She knows you inside out and you can spend hours reminiscing about old classmates, hairstyles and teachers.

What went wrong: You never have anything new to talk about and she thinks its funny to post your teen dalliances with curling tongs on Facebook.

● The Party Girl

Why you love her: You shared some epic nights out at university and you could always rely on her to be up for anything, at any time of the day or night.

What went wrong: Your lifestyles have changed – perhaps you have settled down and can’t compete with all the late night drinking sessions any more, or she only rings you in the middle of the night to tell you who she’s just pulled.

● The Fairweather Friend

Why you love her: When you see each other you always have fun and can talk for hours about noting at all

What went wrong: She only calls when she needs something and gets bored very quickly. You won’t see her for months if she starts a new relationship and she cancels arrangements at the last minute.

It can be difficult to adjust when the roles within a friendship switch or change altogether, and relocation, a new job or new relationship will inevitably change your lifestyle and therefore the ways in which your friendship functions. It can be easy to drift apart when these big life changes occur but it is never too late to reconnect, if you still want that person in your life.

The Friendship Checklist

Perhaps you’re not sure who to hang on to and who cut loose? Consider the foundations that your relationship was built on in the first place, and if you are still getting what you want and need from it. In her article Zen and the Art of Friendship Maintenance, Elizabeth Marglin includes a checklist of points to consider if you are thinking about ending a friendship. The rules of friendship are different for everyone but if you’re stuck for ideas, consider the following.

● When was the last time you hung out?

● Do you always have new things to talk about?

● When you last had a big piece of news (promotion/engagement/pregnancy) when/how did you tell her?

● Does she make you laugh out loud?

● Do you respect her?

Friends? Or just friends on Facebook?

The Future of Friendship

The internet and social networking sites have revolutionised the way we communicate with one another and are both a blessing and curse in the realms of friendship. While you may not be able to remember all the names on your 400+ list of ‘friends’ one could argue that Facebook and the like enable us to sustain our friendships no matter how far away (physically and emotionally) we are from our nearest and dearest. A quick poke, message or status ‘like’ can let a friend know that you’re thinking of them and can also be a great way to reignite the sparks of friendship.

Never one to miss a trick, Facebook will soon be pulling on your sentimental heartstrings with their new Friendship Pages. The idea is that you can see all the connections that you and any one of your Facebook friends have shared within the social networking behemoth. Mutual friends, photos and events that you have both been to will be displayed on one easy to read page, as well as wall-to-wall comments. Potentially these pages, should you choose to use them, could make you realise that you miss an old friend or even justify you reasons for ‘breaking up’ with another.

Letting go is never easy, but now more than ever we have the tools to reconnect with the people who once shared our thoughts, dreams and penny sweets with. Hiding behind a screen it is far easer to ‘like’ a status or strike up a conversation. Whether you take that communication any further than a casual ‘poke’ every once in a while is up to you.

Calling Time…

Friendships are like any other relationship; they change and evolve over time. Sometimes they strengthen and grow, sometimes they fizzle out. Recognising and accepting these changes is the way to understanding what you want from a friendship and if you should try and repair it.

If you know the end is nigh with a friend and you have already ‘broken up’ then acceptance is the key to moving on with your life. RIH have documented this in The Best Friend Break-Up which is worth reading if you are struggling to come to terms with a fizzled out friendship.

It sounds corny but time really is a healer. It will take time to let go of a friendship you once held dear, but with time, and a little help from social networking sites, you can also take the first steps to healing a broken friendship.