Revellers inside the Oktoberfest tents...

So, Oktoberfest, that’s that festival in Munich where everyone gets really drunk on German beer, right?

Well, in essence, yes. But it’s so much more than that. Oktoberfest is one of the world’s largest and most enduringly popular festivals. It regularly attracts more than 6 million visitors and last year alone it generated €830million for the local economy during its 16-day run. Pretty impressive going for an event that this year celebrates its 200^th birthday.

And how did it all start then?

1810 was a pretty momentous year for Munich. Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen on October 12 and to mark the occasion a festival and horse race was held in their honour on October 17. The process was repeated the following year and over time it eventually became a tradition, with the horses eventually being left out to pasture and drinking and general debauchery becoming the main focus of events.

So it always takes place on October 12? That gives me plenty of time to build up my drinking tolerance…

Am, you may be a bit too late there unfortunately. Despite the name, Oktoberfest now takes place in September. Munich slips firmly into shoddy autumn weather each October so to make the most of the last few days of reliable warmth and sunshine Oktoberfest was moved forward. Nowadays it begins in mid-September and typically ends on the first Sunday in October.

How does it all start?

Well, as with everything to do with Oktoberfest there’s a tradition around its commencement too. At noon on the first Saturday punters, celebrities and the media gather at the Schottenhamel tent to watch the lord mayor of Munich tap the first keg of beer open. It’s screened live locally and online and once the mayor shouts “O’zapft is!” (it’s tapped!) it means beer can be sold across the entire Oktoberfest site.

What is the site exactly?

Oktoberfest is held each year on the Theresienwiese, which is named after Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen, whom we mentioned earlier, and so seems quite an appropriate setting. It’s a huge 42-hectare site in the Ludwigsvorstadt-Isarvorstadt district and is about a 20-minute walk from the centre of the city – just follow the crowds in Lederhosen and Dirndl and you can’t miss it.

Lederhosen I’ve heard of, but what’s a Dirndl?

Just as Bavarian men continue to wear Lederhosen, Bavarian women continue to wear a traditional form of local dress called a Dirndl. Generally it’s a dress worn with a blouse, bodice and apron but colours, fabrics and styles can vary hugely. Pretty much every woman in Munich owns one and Oktoberfest is always a good excuse to air them – if you don’t have one to hand then try to wear something similar as you’ll feel out of place otherwise. There’s scope for adulteration if you don’t want to stick to tradition too rigidly though. Some girls wear short skirts rather than floor-length skirts as part of their Dirndl, lace leggings are popular and it’s common to wear a garter to store credit cards, mobile phones, lip gloss and other modern essentials.

Getting a round in at Oktoberfest...

OK, so I’m dressed up and ready to go – what do we do next?

Get there early! Despite the grounds being huge and some 100,000 seats available in the numerous beer tents things can still get hectic with 6 million visitors jostling for space; the tents are free to enter but the most popular ones might have to operate a one-in-one-out policy at busy times. Once you’ve secured a seat at one of the massive communal tables it’s time to start drinking.

Sounds like there’ll be a pretty hefty queue at the bar though.

Not quite. You may not get your beer immediately but just stay where you are and a barmaid should pop over to take your order. Later in the day you can pace yourself with soft drinks but please don’t embarrass yourself by asking for (a) a vodka and diet coke, (b) a white wine spritzer (ugh) or (c) a foreign brand of beer. The latter is the worst sin of all. For centuries German beer has been brewed to strict laws which dictate it should only include three ingredients: water, hops and barley. Locals consider their brews the best in the world; bleat nonsense like “I’ll have a Miller Lite please” and you’ll either be laughed out of the tent or treated with utter contempt.

OK, I’ve been warned. What happens then?

After you’ve payed about €8.50 you’ll receive your ‘Mass’ or ‘Krug’ of beer (only tourists call the glass the beer is served in a ‘Stein’). It’s then the done thing to clink your glass with your companions’ and shout ‘prost’ as you look them in the eye. The eye contact’s important – Germans say you’re doomed to seven long years of bad sex if you don’t follow the custom so you can expect a laborious and socially awkward few minutes spent making eye contact with randoms before you can finally quench your thirst and enjoy your first sip. Prepare to work up a further thirst when that time eventually comes. The glasses hold a litre of beer and are extremely heavy even when empty – prop yours up by placing your palm under its base as you drink rather than risking a broken wrist by just picking it up by the handle.

This is beginning to sound like hard work. What if I need a break?

It takes some getting used to but once you’ve settled the atmosphere, the costumes, the live traditional music and the general absurdity of your surroundings make it a really special experience. That said, if you need to escape just leave your tent and go for a walk. The Theresienwiese is full of funfair rides, games stalls and loads of other opportunities for distraction so you’ll have no problem finding something to do.

The Oktoberfest grounds at night

I’m hungry though, what’s there to eat?

Well you can either eat your fill of candyfloss and similar sugary treats at the stalls around the funfair or return to the tent and gorge yourself on traditional Bavarian fare. Think whole chickens, gherkins, cheese and cold cuts of meats on bread rolls, or if you want an even more authentic Bavarian delicacy you could treat yourself to a serving of pork knuckles – as 58,446 people did last year, officials kept count! – or perhaps a chunk of ox. 104 oxen were consumed at the last Oktoberfest.

Sounds tempting but I think somebody mentioned there’s a really good restaurant in town, I might check that one out.

Really, which one did they mention? Munich’s one of the most prosperous cities in Germany so if you want a change of scene you’ll find loads of nice restaurants and bars there. And people can handle their beer here too – despite all the heavy drinking that goes on the atmosphere generally remains pretty pleasant no matter where you go. Don’t forget to come back though, they’re serving here until 10.30pm and then there’ll be loads of afterparties to go to!

Yeah, sure. My battery’s kind of low but I’ll call you later.