Every man knows that nothing says I love you quite like a night at the cinema or local restaurant, don’t they? Well, they’d be wrong. Very wrong. If you really want to fan the flames of love or blow your partner’s socks off, the right answer is, as I discovered, to push the boat out on something special. Something like eight days of intimately drifting along the Med, with no distractions and plenty of luxury.

Cue Compagnie du Ponant, a Marseille-based cruise company, which has cornered the market for luxury maritime travel experiences. From the itinerary and the service, right the way through to the décor and the comestibles, they know how to set the stage for an unforgettable Titanic-style romance, minus the iceberg and the sinking ship. Your chaperone for the journey is the L’Austral, a cruise vessel of elegance and strength. Such is her dexterity she can glide through the narrow Straits of Messina and dock where larger ships can’t fit, before leaving Europe and making light work of the South American sea passage that requires the power of a larger vessel. In other words, it’s easy to relax while on board - you’re in safe hands.


Depending on budget or preference, passengers can board and disembark at a number of ports. You can go the whole hog and join for the launch amid fanfare in Istanbul, make a late entrance at the dramatic cliffs of Corsica or join at the halfway point of Sicily’s Taormina where it’s easy to get lost in the sleepy old town’s winding alleys and ancient castles. But there’s more fun to be had on board, where L’Austral’s cool bars and hot sun decks are waiting. Indeed, you could go one further and just hole up in the spacious cabin for a week, tiptoeing over the plush carpet and dozing on your king-size bed with plump cushions on top of more cushions, while the sea breeze blows in and out of your floor-to-ceiling balcony door. The en suite bathroom is stocked with L’Occitane essentials, and for a bit more of your payslip, a private butler can deliver your meals and see to any other requests. If you need any more convincing, the ‘do not disturb’ door hanger is in the bedside table.

For more active types, each stop offers a number of excursions to choose from. In Taormina, the go-to spot is a guided tour of Mount Etna’s gently smoking moonscape of a summit. Here you can go digging for glistening lava rocks in the hot floor while plumes blast from Etna’s natural blowholes around your feet. If you find yourself thirsting for more volcanic action, a few days later there is a guided tour of the ancient city of Pompeii, where you can hunt down urban graffiti of AD79 vintage and rubber neck at the corpses frozen in time by the infamous blast of Vesuvius.

Land tours aren’t compulsory, however, so feel free to wander of your own accord. The Palermo stopover is a great place to go exploring. Disembark with the kitchen crew and say goodbye at the end of the dock as they hit the markets for the fresh produce that will be your dinner later that night – you’re on your own from here on out. Just a few minutes from the ship are some of Palermo’s famous churches, all ornately decorated with precious metals and exquisite artwork.

Deeper into the bustling city—once you make it past the bad motorcyclists and honking, swerving cars - you can slam back a typically perfect espresso in any one of the coffee bars on the quieter side streets. Further away from the harbour, let your stroll lead you through the various trade neighbourhoods: gawk at the fat cuts of swordfish strewn out on the wet and loud fish market, smell your way through the peaceful and aromatic coffee quarter (where some ground out java is ludicrously cheap); and then make your exit through the smoky welding street, where metal workers solder and bash pots and pans on their studio doorsteps.

The cruise’s zenith arrives on the night journey from Salerno to Corsica, where, after an evening of fine-dining, the captain turns off the engines and all the lights and weighs anchor in the middle of the open sea. This is your front row seat for the Mediterranean’s very own firework display, courtesy of the ever-erupting Stromboli volcano. You can count yourself unlucky if Stromboli doesn’t play ball: more often than not ten minutes is the longest waiting time before fountains of luminous red and flaming orange spew from the peak and roll down the sides.

Cheesy as it may be, there’s no better time to steal a two-seater on the deck: it’s dark, quiet and Mother Nature is showing you just how futile and short life can be. So seize the moment and lean in for that life-affirming smooch. Just make sure you get it done before the cruise crew click play on the Enya CD, which they will do. If you miss your window of opportunity, never mind: at the very least Orinoco Flow lightens the mood. And by the time the engines are revving again you can giggle at the silliness of it all and make your way to the top deck for a dance floor boogie while the ship DJ blasts Euro pop tunes. Alternatively, head inside to a quiet bar for a nightcap and a wave goodbye to Sicily - Corsica is only a few hours away.

The penultimate stop of this particular route is Bonifacio on the southern tip of Corsica, where the quaint, uneven streets leading to beaches and ski resorts are enough to make you want to stay forever - much like the commune’s tour guide, Suzanne. She fell in love with the island, and more importantly, a local shepherd, before settling down to make cheese, raise children and tell expectant cruise ship passengers all about this picturesque corner of the Mediterranean. She’s good at it too, relaying with verve and feeling the story of the island: from tales of Napoleon and siege to why the air smells of the rich scent of natural aromatic plants in summertime.

As mesmerising as Bonifacio’s interior is, the departure along the coastline is just as spectacular. The cabin’s private balcony was made for this stretch, offering silent views of the high limestone cliffs and low mysterious caves. Once the ship reaches the open sea, keep an eye out for playful dolphins frolicking in the L’Austral’s wavy wake. Before you know it, the harbour of Nice is in full view, where the busy flower and food markets are your last chance to squeeze another memory out of this romantic jaunt across one of Europe’s loveliest waterways.

A seven night Mediterranean cruise onboard L’Austral starts from £1,984 per person, including all meals, entertainment and some drinks. The next sailings are from Marseille to Venice (3rd May) and Venice to Istanbul (5th July). For more information or to book, visit ponant.com or call 0800 980 4027