Women V. Women

Divide and Conquer. The tactic of many an oppressor throughout history, and more recently employed by the media and George Osborne, two of the 21st century’s greatest oppressors (arguably - but that’s another column…) Anyway, if you swallow that assumption for the sake of argument, we’ll get to the point quicker. In the last week, three things have been swirling round my head and finally crystallized like a freshly stirred, then settled, G&T:

1. Red magazine have published the results of their ‘Generation Juggle’ survey, which found that 40% of female non-parents (all 5,000 surveyed were women) believe they work harder and longer than their mum counterparts.

working mothers

DISCLOSURE: In order to be all proper, I need to mention here I’m a staff writer at Red. Although this might seem like a shameless plug of my own mag, it’s not. I would be writing this anyway. That’s why I work there; I’m interested in the mag and what it has to say.

2. Last week George Osborne announced £1,200 worth of tax-funded childcare support to families in which parents work full time. This is applicable to anyone earning under £150,000, meaning that couples earning just under £300,000 could benefit.

DISCLOSURE: I’m the child of a single parent family. Quite frankly I’m pleased working parents are getting a helping hand, my mum never did. However, I’m also a Libran, and fair’s fair. I respect the choices and the circumstances of others.

3. I recently heard Lucy Mangan present a program on BBC Radio 4 about working from home.

DISCLOSURE: I was listening to this working from home. Probably like everyone else who was listening.

Now, there is no fancy equation to how point 1+ 2+ 3 = column, it’s really quite simple. Red’s survey did not try to throw up those results. We asked over 5,000 women to talk quite generally about the fact that is nigh on impossible to have a career, a life, a family, a yoga lesson and follow the TV series that everyone is talking about, all at once. And everyone agreed - it is impossible. What we weren’t expecting was the feeling of resentment from non-mums for picking up slack from the mums who have rushed home to be with their family. Our editor’s take was, ‘Well, if that’s what they’re saying, let’s talk about it’ (“Stop the Mummy Wars”) So that’s what she did.

When George Osborne announced a tax voucher that could benefit families earning £300,000, nobody was that surprised. However, his throwaway comment that staying at home to be a full time mum is ‘a lifestyle choice’ got a bit more attention. Why? Because the Coalition favours the workers, and God help you if you want to raise your children full time, or if working makes no financial sense because childcare is so expensive. And no, Osborne, these childcare vouchers are not enough.

So what’s this got to do with a freelance journalist ‘showing’ us her home study on the radio? This: Parents need help with childcare costs. Not just ‘mums’. A home-working business man explained on the program that he could do the school run and speak to clients. And flexible working hours - i.e. being able to attend sports day or finish the novel you’ve been scribbling away on - should be a right for all.

working from home 1

So this is not mums vs non-mums, or stay at home mums vs working mums, thank you very much. These conversations are being twisted into a women’s issue, when it is not. This discussion should not be reduced to make different women feel guilty, or threatened, or undermined. This should be a conversation about the responsibility the government and workplaces have to accommodate their workers or non-workers lifestyle needs; supporting flexible hours for all and offering financial support those who need it. And no, that’s not you George.

Having It All

We all know a woman who seems to have it all, the kind that truly can run in heels and not break an ankle. She makes us all feel our lives are just a little shabby in comparison. But what if, instead of hating her, you could become her?

The Glossy Girl…

We all know one. You know, those women who seem to float through life, casually picking up promotions, planning parties and wafting around their pristine apartments, all the while remaining perpetually pretty and perfectly primped. Even as you’re reading this, you’re imagining the one you know, aren’t you?

glossy girl 1

She’s that woman who just makes everything you do seem a little less fabulous, a little less cool, or just plain pointless. Her life is easier, more serene and, well, just - shinier - than everyone else’s. Doesn’t she just make you want throw something? Well, instead of seething and breaking your favourite vase, what about applying the old “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” adage? What about becoming one of those glossy girls? “But that’s madness!” you cry? Why no, it’s all about attitude – and that, thankfully, is something that’s completely within your control. Here’s how to become one of those women in three simple steps.

Making Believe…

The first thing to know about the Glossy Girl is that her sheen is an external characteristic. When you compare what she projects with how you feel, you’re comparing apples and oranges. She looks confident and joyful; you perhaps feel a little shy today, and slightly under the weather. But how do you know what she’s really feeling inside? She might be a bag of nerves and obsessing about her new haircut, which she hates, but she’s choosing (and I use that word intentionally) to be upbeat and outgoing.

glossy girl

Now, I’m not suggesting we all bury our emotions, or avoid sharing with our friends. Far from it. Healthy expression of feelings during low times is crucial. This is not about fooling the world. What the Glossy Girl has mastered is the art of fooling herself. Remember that scene in The King and I where Deborah Kerr as Anna Leonowens teaches her son to whistle a happy tune so no-one will know he’s afraid? The last lines are a masterpiece of self-help in musical form:

Make believe you’re brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are!

Whether it’s fear, anxiety, discomfort, stress, self-doubt – whistle your happy tune, and along with charming everyone else at the party with your bright and breezy demeanour, you might just trick yourself into feeling rather better too.

Don’t Be The Victim…

The second thing the Glossy Girl has mastered is the art of victimless living. It’s impossible to achieve her kind of charmed life while believing yourself to be a victim of circumstance or a helpless pawn in destiny’s cruel game of chess. Let’s think about why our Glossy got that promotion, or was asked to work on that coveted project that involves a monthly to trip to Rome/New York/LA/(substitute much-dreamed-of city of your choice). I’m willing to bet that Glossy, instead of standing around the water cooler gossiping or complaining about her workload, rolled her sleeves up and got on with her job, working hard and – dirty words coming up – making the best of her lot.

glossy girl 2

I know, I know, it all sounds very 1950s East End, but the merits of making do and mending, accepting the situation, putting on a brave face, cannot be overstated. In the short term, such an attitude can perk you up and help you through the day; in the long term, it shows the people around you that, even when life isn’t perfect, you’re going to get the most out of it and do your best. Why wouldn’t that kind of woman be first in line for promotion? I’d hire her.

Glossy Girl Power…

The other result of casting off any ‘poor me’ mentality is even more important. The minute you decide that you’re not a victim of life but its mistress, you take back all the power you were once attributing to – well, to what? To fate? Your parents? Your education? Your looks? Fine, you didn’t choose your family, nor did you probably have much say in your schooling, and your genes are your genes - but you are now an adult and every decision you make is your own. The Glossy Girl hasn’t always had a more privileged upbringing, or more opportunities, nor is she necessarily prettier than anyone else. But she has decided that what she is, what she does and what she thinks, is in her hands and hers alone.

A Glossy Girl does not bewail her single status; she sets up her internet dating profile, joins clubs, lets friends know she’s open to subtly orchestrated set-ups. If Glossy needs a dress for a fancy wedding but has no budget, she won’t decline the invitation or turn up in something that feels inappropriate and spend the evening hugging a wall; she’ll search her local vintage or charity shops and find a friend with a needle to make adjustments. And if Glossy finds herself home alone on a Saturday night, she doesn’t throw a pity party, she takes the opportunity to do a home facial, finish the ironing, catch up on emails and watch a ‘guilty pleasure’ film that she’d never admit to enjoying (we all have them, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about).

glossy girl 3

The thing is, Glossy really has no more control over her life than you or I; her advantage lies in her owning that power and never forgetting for a second that she’s in charge of her life and therefore responsible for her own happiness. So, there you have it – for glossy tresses, I recommend a good hair mask once a week; for a glossy, glossy life: whistle a happy tune; refuse to be a victim; and own your power. Because you’re worth it!

Feminism 3.0

The other night I was in the pub with a group of friends. It was a Friday and a warm evening and those two things were a good enough reason to neck three bottles of rosé between the five of us. Somewhat inevitably we decided to carry the party back to my flat. On our walk down New Cross Road, my friend’s boyfriend - who I had only met once but very much liked - and I had a conversation that went, to my memory, like this:

Friend’s boyf: What do you do?
Me: I’m a features writer.
FB: Oh really? That’s great.
Me: Thanks.
FB: So what do kind of “features” do you write about?

journalist

At which point he cupped his hands, gesturing he was holding breasts and grinned as if he’d just craftily won a game of conkers. Within that single action, (and particularly infuriating facial expression) he’d undermined me, my job and made a really bad joke. Except it wasn’t a joke. It wasn’t funny. It was boring and tiresome and irritating. It was the sort of gesture that just put a huge full stop on the rest of our conversation and a nasty stain on my opinion of him. Yet, alas, the conversation did continue.

Me: Pardon?
FB: Smug grin.
Me: I don’t actually think that’s funny.
FB: Worried face.
Me: What would your right-on feminist girlfriend think about you belittling my job with boob gags?
FB: Really worried face. Er, shit, sorry. You’re right. What a stupid thing to say. I don’t know why I said it. I’m really sorry.

boobs tshirt
And so was I. If smart men - like my friend’s boyfriend - who fall in love with feminists and at all other times have sensible, non-offensive thoughts and conversations, slip up like that, what hope do we have? Why does their usual intelligence short-circuit when it comes to women? How does a bit of casual sexism seep through their usually brilliant brains?

Quite obviously, he isn’t the only offender. Smart men in the public eye say really stupid things too. Remember David Cameron’s ‘Calm down, dear’ to MP Angela Eagle in PMQs? Or more recently, BBC tennis commentator, John Inverdale’s remark that French Wimbledon champion, Marion Bartoli ‘was not a looker’? And I know it wasn’t just my jaw that dropped when Seth McFarlane’s boob song which opened the Oscars reduced Hollywood actresses to an cinema-themed edition of Nuts.

Last week trolling on Twitter became front page news, and rightly so, when feminist campaigners refused to accept rape and death threats online. Some men, namely those sending such vile threats, are not smart. They’re misogynist and evil at worst or stupid and cowardly at best.

The men that frighten me are the smart ones. The smart ones who are sexist. Just how hard can it be?

Muppet Style

I am obsessed with Muppet fur. I was never a Muppet obsessive per se, however I suppose Fraggle Rock is a different story. Wembley, Red, Mokey, Gobo and Boober had my undivided puppet attention as a child. I styled an incredible knitted coat in black for one of my favourite shoots with Rankin. I didn’t think it could get any better. However, when Icon Of My Life (aka SJP) wore that mind-blowingly beautiful alpaca coat from New York label Nonoo back in February, my love of the good fluff was reignited. She goes by the name of ‘Annabel’ FYI.

muppets

I don’t know what it is about colourful fur that makes me want to build a nest and crawl in. The bright striped Prada stoles for Spring/Summer 2011 give me as much of a rush of excitement when I see them now as when I did the first time I saw them striding down the runway. Ditto Meadham Kirchhoff’s fabulous fluffy coats from last year. prada 2011

Fun fur has always held a negative connotation in my mind, but this bright fluffy stuff - is it even fur?meadham kirchhoff

I am pleased to report that I have found a range of items currently in Topshop that provide the fur fix I need, for this autumn at least. Not quite as Cookie Monster-esque and resplendently flowing as SJP’s and certainly much more like the matted skin of a Fraggle. However the punchy colours and texture give the look a more everyday edge, and the temptation to indulge in more than one is overwhelming. I am usually the idiot who leaves her winter coat buying until October when wearing three jackets, multiple scarves and a cape really doesn’t cut it any longer and there are seemingly no winter coats available to buy in the world, However, with the Autumn/August {same vowels, different consonants interestingly} that we are currently enjoying /enduring, the thought of purchasing not one but two of these delicious coats is not seeming indulgent, but clearly a necessity.fluffy fashion

The acid green longline boyfriend coat and the lipstick red 60’s zip up tulip shape are the ones for me. Yes, they come in a subtle and more subdued greeny blue for the less confident. But hell, if you have to wear a coat in the summer, you may as well make it positive somehow. And if the idea of getting this heavy in August is really not for you, then make like Mokey and snuggle in for the summer with this fluffy Fraggle skin-coloured tee. If you see Annabel, tell her I love her.

Quality over quantity…

Self-respect manifests itself in multiple ways - not least in the choices we make on a daily basis. Make sure the decisions you make for yourself are considerate, attentive and confident, and Grace Kelly-like poise and graciousness are well within reach.

kelly

As I sit down to write this month’s dose of my personal musings, I have a glass of full-bodied red wine and a plate of ripe blue cheese and fresh bread at my side, and Rear Window is playing on the television in the background. I mention these things not to complete the stereotype of life in France, nor to incite alcoholism and gluttony in readers through the power of suggestion. No, I mention them because all three exemplify the theme of this month’s ponderings: the concept of quality over quantity.

Never to settle

Quality over quantity is the resolution I made as I turned 33 recently. I decided that too often I settle. I settle in certain areas in my life in a way that I wouldn’t dream of doing in others. Before I met the Beloved, I rarely had long-term boyfriends as the minute I realised this wasn’t The One, I called things off; I aimed for the best university I could; I apply for the jobs I really want, even when I know 500 others candidates are also on the case. I consider myself someone who doesn’t settle. And yet… I’ll go and buy a pair of not-quite-right shoes that aren’t really the brown I wanted but hey ho. And then I’ll obviously have to buy another pair later on in the year because I have five outfits for which I have no suitable shoes. I’ll say yes to a drink after work with people I sort of get along with in a bid to extend my social circle. Then I’ll realise I no longer have a free evening that week to see some of my best friends. I’ll watch random rubbish on TV because there’s nothing else on and I can’t be bothered reading. Then I’ll curse the fact that I don’t have enough reading time and feel out of touch with current affairs.

Well, no more of that for me. And this evening typifies my new quality-over-quantity attitude.

audrey

You are what you eat

Firstly, let’s talk about the cheese. I have to admit that since I’ve been in France I have eaten a shocking amount of cheese. It’s just how we round off a meal here. But tonight I’m not just rounding off a meal. The bread and cheese is my meal. Because I didn’t really want anything else. In fact, all I wanted was blue cheese, some bread and glass of red. So that’s exactly what I’m having. I’m not settling for something else because it’s easier, or what I should have; I’m having a reasonable amount of exactly what I fancy. And yes, before you ask, it is indeed doing me good.

One perfect thing

Now, about that wine… When it comes to wine, I’m what the French call “bon public” – easily pleased! I like most wines but this one is truly marvellous. It’s rich, fruity and pretty potent. Quite often (and please don’t judge me) I’ll find one glass of wine easily leads to another and another (especially when drinking with a man who can really hold his liquor), which inevitably leads to exhaustion and a slight hangover. But not tonight. No. Tonight, I’m reining in the instinct to say, “Oh, that’s nice, I think I’ll have a top-up” because I know that I won’t appreciate the second glass as much as the first, and truly enjoying something speaks to the heart of my “quality not quantity” resolution.

What would Grace and Audrey do?

Finally, Rear Window. I love pretty much all Hitchcock films (the exception would have to be Marnie, which I find just too disturbing), and Rear Window is in my top three. The huit clos-style setting, the charm of Jimmy Stewart, the totally relatable premise of fascination-with-neighbours-turns-sour, but mainly – oh yes - mainly for the exquisite Grace Kelly. Just watching her makes me want to sit up straighter, mind my manners, and generally be a better person. Watching Audrey Hepburn has the same effect on me. They both exude class, gentility, elegance and style. Would Grace buy a cheap, oddly fitting pair of ballet flats then get blisters within minutes? No. Would Audrey stop herself from getting the slightly dearer leather bag in favour of the cheaper imitation one only to buy another a week later because the strap broke already? I think we all know the answer to that one.

Grace and Audrey would rather have one pair of perfect shoes than a cupboard full of second-bests. Grace and Audrey would never try to cram three parties into one evening and end up offending hostesses and being late for all of them; no, they’d politely decline two, attend the most important of the three, bring a nice bottle, and probably send a handwritten thank you note the next day. Grace and Audrey would buy the right size or have it altered to fit, they’d get the best quality they could afford, they’d make time for close friends and not be in a rush, they’d savour one glass of champagne rather than three glasses of wine they didn’t really want. They would treat every decision as a reflection of how much they respected themselves. As I turn 33, that’s how I plan to live my life too – making respectful choices for myself and asking, on a daily basis: “What would Grace and Audrey do?”

Five Minute Therapist

When you’ve got a lot on your mind, there’s nothing worse than someone saying ‘Stop worrying about it!’. If only there was a button we could press, that would switch off the part of us that likes to overanalyse, fret and fluster. Well, we’re not helpless in this situation and if we think of our worrying as a bad habit, then we can introduce some new ones and start to think and feel differently.

Mind your language

Our speech is a very powerful tool. The words and language that we use all go towards creating our self image, how others perceive us and even the life that we design for ourselves. If you frequently use language such as ‘I’m afraid that I won’t be able to …’, ‘I worry that….’, ‘The problem is…’, stop and think about the effect this is having on you. Using negative language becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and amplifies any anxiety you’re already experiencing.worrying1

Visualise a good result

Our mind can’t differentiate between what is real and what isn’t and so visualisation is a great way of turning an anxious feeling about a situation, in to a more positive one. Take a scenario that you are worrying about and visualise a great outcome. What happens, what does it look like, what does it feel like? This helps with some brain re-wiring and encourages a habit of expecting a positive outcome rather than a negative one. After all, a lot of the time, it’s a 50-50 chance!

Pick a role model

We all know that someone who seems to have a particular way of dealing with life that seems so easy and seamless. If we look at how they behave, the language they use, their attitudes, their body language, they can be great role models and give us ideas for how we can approach our issues differently. How are they dealing with their challenges? Practice being someone else for a little while.

Write it down

Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed by too much thinking and internal chatter, get a piece of paper and write down all the worries in your mind. Write down anything and everything that’s coming up. Then throw the piece of the paper away. If you want to add a bit of ritual to it, you can burn it or throw it in a river or canal. You’ll be surprised at how much this helps clear your mind.worrying2

Be your own cheerleader

Often over-worrying starts from a place of lack of confidence or some insecurity. Reminding ourselves that we can cope and that we have some great personal qualities helps build confidence and a reminder that we can deal with what life throws at us. Make a daily list of all your little achievements and you’ll start to feel a sense of empowerment. Whatever was causing you some anxiety now starts to feel less of a challenge.

Point of View

Some people may ask why women’s writing exists as a tradition when there is no such thing as ‘men’s writing’. It’s an understandable question. Women’s writing isn’t just writing by women. It’s something more than that - and it can be difficult to define. From Virginia Woolf to Maya Angelou, the tradition of women’s writing is as diverse as it is impressive. A seemingly endless canon of writers, tied together through one fundamental shared experience - the experience of being a woman.

maya angelou

Perhaps women’s writing exists in a way that men’s writing doesn’t because there is not a particular male urge to define and explore one’s gender in the way that women writers often seem compelled to do. This is, of course, speculation. But I feel that Simone de Beauvoir’s thoughts on this desire for self definition can support this suggestion:

‘A man would never set out to write a book on the peculiar situation of the human male. But if I wish to define myself, I must first of all say: “I am a woman.”’ (The Second Sex).

Women have, for centuries, been socially, politically and culturally defined by their gender. Whether laced into corsets, kept in the home or forced to smash repeatedly into the glass ceiling, women, as a group, have a shared historical experience. We have not yet achieved complete equality. Even in the UK, where we study in the same way as men, have similar career opportunities and consider ourselves to be social equals, the advertising industry sells our bodies by plastering them over commercials. Magazines tell us we are too fat, too pale, or too hairy. We often earn less for doing the same jobs. And we are warned - as if we would bring trouble on ourselves - not to walk home alone late at night.

Women are still, in some ways, separate. We are the Other. And for centuries, women have used writing and literature as a way of sharing their experiences. To name just a few, Mary Wollstonecraft presented the abused and imprisoned Maria; Charlotte Perkins Gilman entwined us in the patterns of the yellow wallpaper; Virginia Woolf played with gender and sexuality as Orlando surfed the centuries. More recently Angela Carter caricatured the male gaze with the female freakshow in Nights at the Circus, and Sarah Hall created the intense sisterhood of the Carhullan Army.

virginia woolf

Even with this impressive list of powerful writers, even with their own specialised genre of writing, women remain marginalised in the world of literature. In the 400 year tradition of Poets Laureate, Carol Ann Duffy, appointed in 2009, was the first woman. In the 44 years of the Man Booker Prize, there have been 14 female winners. Any suggestion that the existence of their own genre gives women writers some kind of advantage over their male counterparts is easy to dismiss. It seems clear that we are still, to some extent, defined by our experience as women. And women’s writing is an effective and powerful way to record, explore and share that experience.

Point of View

Scrolling through H&M’s latest beachwear collection, modelled by ‘plus-size’ model Jennie Runk, it’s difficult not to wonder where the thigh gaps and flat stomachs are for a minute. However, that soon passes as you’re struck by just how beautiful Runk looks paddling around on a desert island; smiling as she runs her hands through the sea, she looks the personification of summer holiday bliss.

H&M Jennie Runk

I find it slightly bizarre that we’ve been conditioned to think only skinny people can be beautiful. It’s not like we’ve even had a choice. The only models we are ever shown are devoid of any fat at all, so who are we to know that other body types can also be beautiful? And most shops sell clothes up to a size 16, usually, but these are only ever photographed on models that are a slim size 8 - or smaller.

The public have applauded H&M’s brave use of a plus-size model in their advertising, but Runk is only modelling their H&M+ range. Click on the brand’s general swimwear pages, and you return to the familiar world of girls that are light enough to be carried on a male model’s shoulders. At a size 16, Runk is actually small enough to fit into H&M’s standard ranges. and H&M+ caters for sizes 18-28, meaning that Runk’s size doesn’t accurately reflect the collection she is modelling. What message is that giving to the target consumers if the model in the campaign is smaller than the lowest end of the size range?

Even worse, designer labels often don’t sell clothes larger than a size 12 or 14. Considering that the average woman in the UK is a size 16, are they confined to only shopping on the high street? Relegated to catwalk trends interpreted in polyester - and potentially manufactured in a sweatshop? Is it fair for women who don’t conform to standard sizing to be forced to choose from a limited selection? As a society, there’s no denying that we are getting bigger. Being overweight is by no means healthy, and perhaps this is something that should be considered when judging the image put forward by the fashion industry. With numbers of obese children at worrying levels, maybe it would be wrong to use overweight models in advertising campaigns.

plus size style

I’m not sure there is a right or wrong answer to the problem of choosing sizing in clothing ranges or models. However, I think as a culture we really need to move on from judging people by how they look. As well as plus size being thought of as ugly, there is now a backlash against skinny people. Magazines attack women for being too fat, then criticise them when they lose weight. I fear for how this trend may develop in the future, and how it will affect teenage girls as they grow and develop. This hatred towards women and their bodies has got to stop.

Point of View

I have a soft spot for luxury country house hotels. A couple of years ago I was fortunate enough to stay in the Linen Suite at Devon’s Combe House Hotel, which boasted a beguiling combination of neutral, calming colours, gorgeous original features including a dramatic Victorian drying rack on the ceiling, and a huge restored round copper bath tub. The next 48 hours were bliss. Despite local draws such as country pubs and rolling hills, there was no need to go anywhere. Combe House’s grand living rooms, roaring fire places, cosy bar, elegant restaurant and pretty gardens were more than enough to entertain. And the chef’s seasonally inspired dishes – think scallops, herrings, beef, venison, wild mushrooms, fennel - made it difficult to summon up the willpower to go elsewhere.

But my penchant for extravagant weekend breaks doesn’t quite tally with the eco-friendly persona I aspire to. Harmonising the two has proved quite a challenge. But thankfully, things are changing. It’s not that country house hotels have downgraded: quite the opposite. The world of luxury travel is now, more than ever embracing its environmental responsibilities, and, by and large, the results are fantastic. What made the Combe House Hotel experience that bit better was discovering that the hotel’s unobtrusive environmental efforts had won it a Green Tourism Business Scheme certification and the ‘Most Excellent Innovation in Sustainable Hospitality’ award from Conde Nast Johansens. Yes, I discovered, you really can have your luxury cake and eat it.

Gone are the days when eco travel was reserved for frumpy hessian-wearing worthy types and revolved around bamboo huts and compost toilets (although it’s worth mentioning that the latter have improved a lot). Sustainable, responsible, eco hotels, tour operators and transport companies are becoming increasingly mainstream. What’s more, attitudes are changing too. In 2011, 58% of Conde Nast Traveller readers said that their hotel choice was directly influenced by the support the hotel gives to a local community and, according to a Trip Advisor survey in 2012, 71% planned to make more eco-friendly travel choices in the next 12 months,compared to 65% the year before.

But let’s be honest; holidays are for indulging, relaxing, letting someone else take care of things or inspiring the mind with new and interesting sights, sounds and experiences. While we all know that we should minimise our impact on the world when travelling, it’s rare that that’s the main consideration when booking a trip. Although the feelgood element of an eco holiday has significant value, what people are increasingly turning to eco travel for is its ability to innovate and provide richer and more novel experiences. Low impact and environmentally sensitive accommodation (aka glamping) gets you closer to nature and allows you to experience a destination without the paraphernalia of large-scale resorts and is often as romantic as it gets.

Canopy & Stars exemplify this sort of experience, and they’re not just about tents. ’We’re taking 50% more bookings this year than last,’ reveals marketing manager, Nada Matti. ‘It’s just growing and growing. We’re amazed and inspired by all the new places that keep popping up and I think this is what’s driving things forward. People are coming up with quirkier, more creative types of spaces and that’s what people are looking for. We’re on the constant search for more unusual places and have recently added a boat with a thatched roof, as well as a more ‘normal’ converted fishing boat, to go with our Iron Age roundhouse, wheat silo, horse-truck and army fire truck conversions… People are looking for an experience that’s completely immersive. So the space, the setting, the food, everything needs to be special.’

And Canopy and Stars aren’t alone. Nestled in the mountains above Lake Geneva is White Pod, one of the world’s first luxe eco resorts, which offers white dome tents, complete with Scandinavian furnishings, wood burners and organic luxury bedding. Similar are tree house suites, the accommodation of choice for the coolest glampers. Head to Chewton Glen’s enormous treehouse suite for the ultimate luxury tree-top experience, including your own private hot tub, huge terrace and a breakfast hamper delivery every morning.

Along with the chance to sleep in an igloo or a wigwam, an eco resort or travel company is much more likely to take part in efforts to conserve destinations, whether Marrakech’s crumbling old Medina or Kenya’s Masai Mara. ‘Isla Palenque was an uninhabited island, when we arrived,’ remembers Ben Loomis, founder of the 400-acre Isla Palenque eco resort off the coast of Panama. ‘This is what we’ve worked to preserve for guests and for future generations by maintaining the island’s ecosystems in their wild, undisturbed state’.

Bespoke travel and honeymoon specialists Sally & Alice, have also noticed a growing trend for high-end properties that focus on conservation. ‘We work with lodges and camps who support their local community and protect their wildlife and natural surroundings,’ says Sally. ‘People often ask us why safari is so expensive. Well, in order for these wildlife areas to be protected, revenue has to come from park and conservation fees and a percentage of profits from accommodation income. People are increasingly aware, and pleased, that some of this cost goes towards anti-poaching, protecting natural habitats and educating locals to do the same.’

If a resort or trip has eco and responsible credentials, the chances are it will be more interesting and authentic - usually without sacrificing an ounce of comfort or style. These days, it’s the eco holidays that have the strongest brag potential: natural products result in lovelier interiors, locally sourced, organic foods are always tastier and being at one with a beautiful natural environment is one of the best detoxifiers out there. But don’t take my word for it, get out there and experience it for yourself.

Lucky Burdens

As everyone I’ve spoken to since last May knows (I’m just a little excited), the Beloved and I are currently planning our wedding. He got down on one knee (yep, literally) just under a year ago and we’ve been plotting and booking and researching ever since. Now, I’ve always loved organising and arranging, so you can just imagine the spree I’ve been on since we got engaged. There’s a joint wedding gmail account with an email address for all things nuptial and several (you really thought I’d limit myself to one?) spreadsheets for budget, venues, guest list… It’s planner’s paradise.

The best laid plans

I have to say that my occasionally annoying urge to structure, label and list is really coming in handy right now, and the Beloved has been, to a lesser extent, bitten by the bug too. He’s a maths and computer whizz so my simple spreadsheets now have formulae to calculate the numbers of guests sure to come, the number of children likely to be there, marquee price comparisons…

wedding planning

The thing with a wedding is that there really is a lot to think about, a lot to do and – crucially – most tasks depend on other tasks. For example, we need to book a date at the town hall for the civil wedding, which is obligatory in France. Before we can do that, I need to obtain a certified translation of my birth certificate, but before I can get it translated, I need to get a special version dated within the last six months… So, you see, you can’t just attack your to-do list (which is often my approach – a blind blitz attack); you have to do things in the right order. You can’t book a DJ until you have a date, but can’t set a date until you find the venue, and know it’s available. My college friend Rachel (for whose wedding I received an invitation the very day the Beloved and I first met) encapsulated the beauty and ephemeral nature of wedding planning when she wrote to me: “You have to acquire very specific knowledge very quickly, learning a huge of amount of stuff that you’ll never use again”.

A very specific skill set

Rachel was right. I now have a working knowledge of venue contracts, and I know all the French words for the various shades of a colour I once just referred to as “white”. But, in the midst of tasting desserts and trying on dresses and addressing envelopes, the biggest lesson I am currently learning is one of perspective. When the Beloved proposed, I was over the moon, simply thrilled to know we were to be joined forever in matrimony and that we’d be making our commitment public and sharing the day with all our friends and family. But as The Day draws near and decisions have to be made and friends and family start offering helpful tips and opinions about how things really should be done, the pressure builds.

Online forums are full of women whipping each other into a frenzy about the traditional meaning of different flowers, the take-his-name/keep-your-own debate, and the “right” number of bridesmaids. Films like Bridesmaids with their incredibly opulent weddings make your own somewhat humbler proceedings feel shabby by comparison, and having seen the once hilarious, but now that I’m engaged, frankly petrifying film The Hangover, I break out in a cold sweat whenever the words ‘stag night’ are uttered in my presence.

Enjoy the process

With all that going on (plus, you know, little things like holding down a full-time job, writing columns, washing, shopping, hauling myself to the gym…) it’s easy to lose sight of the endgame. Which is – we’re getting married. Never a weekend free from some kind of wedding errand? Deal with it – you’ve met the love of your life! Hand aching from addressing envelopes? For heaven’s sake - you’re lucky to have so many loved ones with whom to share the day. And as for arguing with the Beloved over buttonholes and seating arrangements – well, I’d rather avoid the irony of having cross words over how/when/where/with whom we are to declare our undying love.

wedding

I only intend to get married once in my life, so I am determined to enjoy the process as much as the day itself. I refuse to squabble for a year while we plan what is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. And a wedding is just one example of how keeping sight of the endgame and maintaining a sense of perspective prevent you from undermining the ultimate joy of what you’re doing. Quarrelling over holiday plans falls into the same category for me, as does getting uptight about taking the wrong route out of the city for a weekend away. The drive is part of the trip – enjoy the process, put it in perspective, and remember to buy a more up-to-date map when you get back.

Lucky you

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to juggle in life, I remember the words of my wise friend Pam. Once, as I complained about how I was behind in my novel for book club, didn’t have an evening without a commitment for the next two weeks, had only half-written my latest column, and couldn’t even find time to get to the bank to pay in a cheque, she looked me in the eye and said: “Wow, it must be fun to be in a book club! And you’ve loads of social nights out planned? Nice! You’re already half-way done on your column? And someone gave you some money that you need to put in the bank? What a lot of lucky burdens to carry.” Pam’s point, simply stated, has proved very hard to forget. Luckily.