Evgenia: passionate about Khimki's forest

Evgenia Chirikova has not been easy to get in touch with of late. The young Russian mother of two has been arrested four times in the past month and become the object of continuous and humiliating attacks by the police. She has not committed any murderous crime, nor is she involved in an embezzlement scandal. She is simply exerting her right to protest against the destruction of an area that her family, as well as many others, have chosen as a healthy and safe environment to live in.

In 2004, the Russian Ministry of Transport decided to build a motorway to connect Moscow and Saint Petersburg. The project planned the passage of the motorway through the forest of Khimki, a city situated north of Moscow. Khimki is renowned for its forest, which is part of the ‘green belt’ that protects Moscow from pollution and provides a natural habitat to many plant and animal species.

Evgenia found out about the project in 2007 when she noticed strange red marks on the trees in the forest. A passionate supporter of environmental issues, Evgenia set up Vzashchitu Kimkinskogo lesa (In Defence of the Forest of Khimki), a movement against the destruction planned. Despite scarce funds and resources, the initiative gained support from citizens, journalists and liberal politicians. It emerged that the planned motorway was in violation of federal law, which forbids the destruction of public forests for road building when alternative routes exist; as they do in this case. In a lucky twist of fate, the company in charge of the work planned failed to provide necessary documentation at the project start date, which after a court hearing meant that logging was temporarily suspended.

The fight has not been easy by any means; in 2008 the editor of the local paper Khimkinskaya Pravda Zhiva (The Living Truth of Khimki) Mikhail Beketov, a pro-active member of Vzashchitu Kimkinskogo lesa, was attacked by unknown assailants and sustained serious injuries. In order to raise further awareness in the local populartion, Evgenia decided to run in the Khimki mayoral elections in 2009. Despite complicated bureaucratic procedures, a lack of funds and personal threats, she managed to obtain 16% of the votes; a real success for her battle and for the organisation. Evgenia’s husband Mikhail recalls: “The Mayor of Khimki was really frightened. He even revoked his decree about the motorway building – this was a small victory.”

The victory did not, however, last long as in 2009 Prime Minister Vladimir Putin transferred the forest from protected land status to land ‘for transport and infrastructure.’ Following this decision, and despite an appeal to the Supreme Court of the Russian Federation, work was set to start on July 14th 2010. Evgenia and other Vzashchitu Kimkinskogo lesa activists demonstrated and picketed the area to prevent the trees being cut down. The reprisal has been violent; on July 16th, Evgenia was almost run over by an unknown silver car. And a week later, members were beaten by a group of individuals wearing white T-shirts and masks to cover their identity. When the Russian militia arrived, they arrested a number of the victims.

According to Mikhail “The police have tried to prevent Evgenia and other activists from protecting the forest by attacking us under any pretext.” On July 28th the protesters marched on Khimki. At the same time, a group of people belonging to an anarchist and neo-fascist movement stormed the Town Hall. This gave the police an excuse to arrest Evgenia for the second time, accusing her of being involved with the violence.

On August 2nd, she was detained yet again, after attending a conference. Following her release the next day, she was ordered to return for questioning on August 4th, but on arriving at the police station, she was arrested and taken to court. According to Mikhail: ‘She was given no time to discuss the matter with her lawyers or invite enough witnesses. In court, police officers were openly lying, [saying] that they heard Evgenia talking about destroying the machinery used to cut the trees, resisting the police, and starting fires in the forest.” Despite Evgenia’s dismissal of the accusations as ‘sheer lies’, the court found her guilty and she was ordered to pay a fine.

The beginnings of destruction in Khimki

At the moment Evgenia is safe at home. But her battle continues. And she wants to make her story known as much as possible abroad. “Without free media, our cause would have failed long time ago” says Mikhail. The aim now is to lobby the Vinci Group; the parent company of  Teplotekhnik, which is carrying out the destruction. She also hopes for support from the European Commission, EIB and EBRD, which have given funds to the Vinci Group. These organisations could potentially use their influence to prevent the area from being destroyed.

And she has a message for everyone. ‘What we can see now in Russia is the restoration of a Soviet-style authoritarianism or even totalitarianism – “upgraded” by the adoption of principles of “wild capitalism”. This mix is especially destructive for both environment and human rights. We are committed to fight it, to protect our freedom, our nature and our way of life. We ask the West not to help the perpetrators of another authoritarian regime in Russia.’

Trying life without Prince Charming?

Of course, sometimes the single life is thrust upon us, as I discovered just over a year ago when my boyfriend of eight years and I split up. In the messy midst of breaking up, I began to realise that the future was looking very different for me now. In fact, the future was solely mine to choose. This was a liberating thought, and led me to re-think what I wanted and needed. My experience has certainly produced questions about whether it is important or indeed necessary to be single and happy as a means to understanding ourselves.

Getting to Know You

Many relationship experts believe that it is certainly important to know and understand yourself before you commit to another, and that independent people come to relationships with an understanding of what they want and need from another person.

Christine Northam, an experienced Relate counsellor says that having that sense of self means that “you then go into a relationship respecting yourself, knowing what you need and are able to negotiate your needs.” Spending time outside of a relationship is the ideal time to get to know what your needs are, and to gain the confidence in yourself to be able to ensure that they are met.

Lisa, 22, has made a decision that being single is right for her at the moment because “I need to be happy alone, and only then will I be able to concisely and rationally decide what it is that I want, and what will make me happy.” Amy, 24, agrees with this and says “being single made me realise where I’d been going wrong with my previous boyfriends and I knew that I didn’t want that to keep happening endlessly over and over again. My no-boyfriend breather was good for helping me to see clearly.”

Our generation is lucky that we have grown up with the knowledge that we can do anything, be anyone and achieve all our dreams. There are no expectations for us to settle down and marry young, but the array of options available can be bewildering. We have grown up knowing that we probably won’t marry our first serious boyfriend, that we will have to kiss a few frogs before finding our prince, but we did not necessarily expect to be single.  We change so much in our twenties and early thirties as we grow and begin to find our feet in the world, so time alone is often needed to think and develop. Chloe, 21, has been single for the past year after her six year relationship ended “I had no idea that the relationship I was in was actually stopping me from growing up and gaining new friendships. Having no one to answer to is a new-found freedom that I would never have experienced if I had stayed with my boyfriend. Being single has pushed me to travel more, apply for jobs I’d have never dreamt of doing and to have a hell of a lot more fun!”

It’s All About Friendships

When we make the choice to be single, it can suddenly seem like endless possibilities are opening up in front of us. The freedom of having no one to answer to means that you may find yourself saying yes to things you would never have before, meeting new people and trying different things. It is the only time in your life when you can be truly selfish and you only have to answer to yourself. Georgie, 27, says that for her being single was the time when she could be “100% selfish in my decision making and naturally that meant I put myself first more.”

Selfishness is often looked upon as a bad trait to have, but putting yourself first is sometimes a good thing as you lose the worry of what others might think and do what is right for you. Not having a boyfriend to fit in means more time for your friends, family and yourself; all things which can be neglected when we are a twosome. Jane Herd, a psychosocial therapist says that friends are vital when we are single, in particular “platonic friendships with men as these friendships give you a different understanding of men. Use being single as an opportunity to make the most of all your friendships.”

Single, Happy and…Busy

Time as a singleton is when we should learn to accept ourselves and develop our independence and sense of self. To get the most out of being single Christine Northam believes that we should use time alone to “widen your experiences, make new friends and concentrate on your career and the things you want to do.” We need to use this time wisely and not waste it, as Jane Herd says, “thinking about what you haven’t got, but embracing the idea that being single is OK, it doesn’t make you less valuable.”

The Classic Guide for the Single Woman

This is the most important thing about being single; don’t bemoan the fact you are, but make it a positive and life-enhancing situation. Making the most out of being alone means filling your life with people and things that you love. You don’t have to accommodate anyone else’s interests or hobbies, everything you do can be what you love doing. So join an evening class, learn a language, read books and just fill your life with pure hedonistic pleasure. In pursuing pleasure you will discover yourself, your true likes and dislikes and maybe even surprise yourself with a new passion.

Choose Happy, Choose Single

Some of the best advice I’ve ever read about embracing single life comes from a charming book first published in 1936 and reprinted by Virago Press in 2005. Live Alone and Like it by Marjorie Hillis is packed with tips and tricks on being single and enjoying it. Some of it may be a little outdated but the ideas behind them are all still relevant today. She advocates passionate interests, travel, cultivating friendships, making your surroundings as lovely as possible and most importantly arranging your own social life – not waiting for someone else to do it for you. Taking matters into your own hands is definitely the best thing to do when you’re single, as is not being afraid of doing things alone. If you can’t find anyone to go on holiday with, go alone and the same goes for trips to the cinema or museums or anywhere. If you want to do something, just do it – the sense of achievement at having done something totally alone is a wonderful feeling.

Making the positive choice to be single can be the most rewarding decision you’ll ever make. Spending time alone can help you develop a strong sense of who you are, what you want and what makes you happy. You must have the attitude that it is a choice and embrace the selfishness and pure enjoyment that comes from having no one to answer to but yourself. Try new things and allow your life to be enriched with new experiences, people and places. As Greta Garbo famously said “ I want to be alone”. And maybe that is advice we should all take at some point.

Is 30 a milestone year for happiness?

Warning to readers: what you are about to read is not another existential meltdown  piece on the doom and gloom of  turning 30 or an obituary on  the death of the 20s.

So before going any further, I must issue the following disclaimer: yes, I did turn 30 last month. But no, I didn’t make a list of unaccomplished tasks or undiscovered, exotic destinations I had not as yet visited, nor brainstormed possible names for my unborn children. I have to confess that when D-Day finally arrived on my doorstep like an unexpected but welcome visitor, I found it rather much like any other birthday.

To the say the least, I succumbed,  Buddha-like to the moment and enjoyed  all the well-intentioned  wishes, calls and text messages streaming  in from loved ones all over the world. From friends with children came the wise counsel that I should be enjoying this childless and guilt-free time, whilst simultaneously dropping the subtle hint about how fulfilling motherhood could be. From the Carrie Bradshaws in my life, came the comment that I was so lucky to have met and married the man of my dreams before the age of 30 and a good old whinge at the lack of single talent back in Sydney. I was told that I could be so “happy with the way things had turned out.”

This made me think about what had happened in the last decade: since when did digits become dictators joining the likes of Kim Jong Il or the Burmese junta in their quest to make life intolerable?  Since when was happiness necessarily equated with  having figured out your career, personal and family planning goals by 3-0 ? This mystery of numbers as masters with supernatural powers could be the making of a new Da Vinci Code sequel and made me reflect further upon my own age and the last thirty years. Arguably with every new wrinkle, weakening of muscle tissue or sneaky little grey hair, it is natural to feel that time is indeed marching on, that we have that looming fear that we won’t ever climb Mt Kilimanjaro or secure that six figure salary package by the big three-zero.  In short, using numbers to calculate and measure our happiness as though it were a kilo of grapes in the fruit store is not helping us be happy.

It seems that this thinking has become symptomatic of a 21st century social malaise that has got us all in its grips whether we realise it or not: Age Angst. The urge to judge not only ourselves but also others not by who we are and how rich our lives are but rather by an arbitrary temporal threshold, namely how old we were when we accomplished something or how quickly by age 30 we  managed to cross things off any number of unrealistic lists.

Like its predecessors of times gone by “Emotional IQ” of the noughties and “Zen Buddhism” of the nineties, Age Angst is the Zeitgeist of our times and has its fair share of “happiness hunters” at the ready. There does however seem to be an antidote to Age Angst: learning to embrace it and enjoy the aging process, as strange as that may sound.  A recent recent Gallup poll in America has found that by almost any measure, people get happier as they get older, and researchers are not sure why.

“It could be that there are environmental changes,” said Arthur A. Stone, the lead author of a new study based on the survey was quoted as saying in the New York Times, “or it could be psychological changes about the way we view the world, or it could even be biological — for example brain chemistry or endocrine changes.”

The telephone survey, carried out in 2008, covered more than 340,000 people across the US, aged 18 to 85, asking various questions about age and sex, current events, personal finances, health and other matters.  The results, published online in May this year in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, were good news for old people, and for those who are getting old. On the global measure, people start out at age 18 feeling pretty good about themselves, and then, apparently, things start going downhill. They feel worse and worse until they hit 50. At that point, there is a sharp reversal, and people keep getting happier as they age. By the time they are 85, they are even more satisfied with themselves than they were at 18.

Is this what happiness really looks like?

Closer to home in Europe, another punter in the  “happiness business”, the World Values Survey in its most recent survey in 2008, found Denmark to be home to the planet’s most contented citizens (again) with Zimbabwe as the most miserable (again).  Traditional Scandinavian top 10 place getters such as Sweden and Finland were this time nudged by the Latin bloc consisting of Puerto Rico and Colombia. Directed by University of Michigan political scientist Ronald Inglehart and administered from Stockholm, the survey found that freedom of choice, gender equality, and increased tolerance are responsible for a considerable rise in overall world happiness. The results reject the more simplistic and traditionally accepted notion that wealth is the determining factor, says Inglehart.

The World Values Survey, which has compiled data from 350,000 people in 97 countries since 1981, aims to measure “subjective well-being” through qualitative measure of peoples’ happiness and life satisfaction. It asks just two basic questions, which have never changed: “How would you rate your happiness?” and “How satisfied are you with your life these days?”

Inglehart’s team figured it needed a better explanation for the data. “Most of the earlier studies, including my own, were based on economic factors, which are something you can simply pull off a bookshelf and look up,” he says.

What the survey found for the 2008 survey results is that freedom of choice and social acceptance are the most powerful forces behind national moods. “Money’s pretty powerful, but it’s not the whole story,” says Inglehart, though he maintains that a strong correlation still exists between high standards of living and happiness measures.

As the epicentre of world happiness, Denmark is neither a fairy-tale alpine setting nor a turquoise Caribbean getaway. It’s a bitterly cold nation home to the Vikings and the setting for Shakespeare’s Hamlet. The Danes proudly attribute their status as the world’s happiest country to a balance in managing high standards in education, a free yet buoyant  economy, social welfare, and tolerance towards foreigners. The attitude among Danish people is summed up in one word—”hygge” (pronounced hooga). Difficult to translate and even harder for non-Danes to comprehend, hygge describes a cozy, genial emotion that involves strong family bonds.

Other European nations in the 2008 top 10 list included Iceland (Number 4), Ireland (Number 6), Switzerland (Number 7), Holland (Number and Austria (Number 10). The World Values Survey is currently compiling its 2010-2011 survey. This will provide a 30-year time series for the analysis of social and political change.

While there is no one way to deal with Age Angst and how it affects our overall happiness, perhaps it is not as difficult as what we might think. Perhaps we need to redraw those boxes that were supposed to have been neatly ticked upon completion of certain tasks and turn them into black dots with lines joining other dots and create our own dynamic, uncharted real life dot-to-dot diagram? So while many of my friends have removed the year of their birth from their Facebook profiles, I have happily left mine visible for all the world to see.

Are you still in a toxic friendship?

Breaking up is never easy; feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger often weigh heavy on the minds of those going through a split.  But for those who experience the emotional turmoil of a break-up with a best friend as opposed to a boyfriend, the after-effects can often run far deeper than a ‘clean break’ from a partner who simply wasn’t up to scratch.

Take my situation for example: I have one ex-best friend.  Our break-up has proved to be a long and drawn-out affair involving simmering resentments and pent-up frustrations over situations that happened years ago.  Some people suggest that to split from a friend after so many years of (mostly happy) memories is a little sad. But isn’t it sadder to compromise my happiness for the sake of sentimentality?

We may have promised to each other that boyfriends could come and go; other friends would never come between us or that distance couldn’t possibly pull us apart but the truth of the matter is that we could never have known the extent to which we would mature and evolve into different people.  And the fact that I fully realise and accept this, while she believes that I am a selfish and unreasonable bitch, has lead to one highly toxic friendship which eventually resulted in one very fraught break-up.

So why do so many females find themselves in similar situations; often afraid to declare their true feelings for fear of the fall-out which results from cutting ties with the past?  According to Andrea Lavinthal and Jessica Rozler, co-authors of Friend or Frenemy?  A Guide to the Friends You Need and The Ones You Don’t , some women are more prone to attracting an unhealthy relationship with a ‘frenemy’ (a friend who is an enemy), suggesting that, ‘As women, we’re sometimes taught to avoid confrontation and put our own feelings last…in some cases the unpleasantness of remaining in the friendship is nothing compared to the drama of ending it.’

Growing Apart, Growing Up

However, not all break-ups are the result of toxic situations with catty females who are only interested in remaining within a friendship to provide themselves with an ego boost. One of the main reasons for breaking up with a friend is actually an increase in physical and emotional distance. In short, we grow apart.  Some women can move thousands of miles away from one another and remain bosom buddies, while others find that an increase in physical distance inevitably leads to a heightened emotional distance.  As we age, we develop different interests and passions, we form different friendships and partnerships to those of our youth. In short, we grow up.  It is only natural that some friendships may suffer as a result, and it is now that many women are faced with the ultimate dilemma: whether to cut all ties with a friend who once enriched their lives or to stay in a dead-end friendship.

As Lavinthal and Rozler note, it is often easier to remain in a friendship which has run its course simply for the sake of convenience or to avoid any bitterness or resentment.  Whether you find yourself in a toxic and unhealthy friendship, or one which no longer offers a close bond, making the decision to instigate a break-up is always tough, and it is often difficult to commit yourself to the ‘right’ time to do it.

The ‘Phase Out’ vs ‘Clean-Break’

While there may be no easy way to go-about breaking up, it is a personal decision for many which is often borne out of a number of factors.  Perhaps marriage and children have gotten in the way of a once solid friendship; maybe jealousy or unresolved past issues have played their part in a bust-up or physical and emotional distance has signalled that the time is right to walk away from this particular chapter in your life.  Whatever the reason for a split with a female friend, there are various ways to break-up; some more painful than others.

Sometimes it's best just to move on...

Julia Feldmeier, a Washington Post journalist, suggests, in her article ‘Friends Forever? What happens When Kinship Sours – and How to Move On’ that the ‘quick and dirty’ approach is favoured for those toxic friendships, while conversely the ‘subtle phase-out’ can be applied to those situations in which feelings should be largely spared.  The ‘clean-break’ approach favours honesty and swift action to cut ties, while the subtle option is offered as ‘a way to distance ourselves without burning bridges.  We keep the door open for the small possibility of reconciliation, the chance that they’ll change, that we’ll change – or that circumstances will find us together again, in need of company, if not friendship.’

For me, breaking up with my best friend was tough, but I am reassured that I have done the right thing by being honest with my emotions.  I simply had nothing left to offer in our friendship, and she had nothing to offer me.  I became tired of hanging on blindly to a friendship which no longer made me happy, but I hope that she realises that the time came to look after number one for a change, and that it was nobody’s fault.

Whatever the situation, the how, when and why of splitting with a once close friend should be given great consideration; the most important element to consider being exactly why you would wish to split up in the first place.  Does the friendship bring you happiness?  Joy?  Fulfillment?  Does it enrich your life?  If the answer to these questions is a resounding ‘no’ then perhaps you should consider your next course of action.

It is inevitable that a number of friendships will end in natural conclusion, while others will come to a grinding halt, but remember, breaking up with an individual who has played such a key role in your life is never going to be a walk in the park.  Be honest with yourself and focus on those friendships which provide you with positive experiences in the here and now; don’t delay the inevitable in order to cling on to the past.

Are you ready for long distance love?

The advent of globalisation has made the world smaller than ever before. This is no comfort, however, to those people whose partner lives far away, whether that be at the other end of the M6, different universities, in another country, or on the other side of the world. With people increasingly scattered all over the globe, be it for work, education or leisure, it’s clear that the long-distance relationship is on the rise.

Outside of the US, where 2.9% of marriages are estimated to be long-distance, there are no statistics available for this type of relationship, but clearly thousands of couples are affected by this phenomenon every year. But how realistic is it to expect a long-distance relationship to work, and what can you do to maximise your chances of survival?

To be prepared is half the victory

Long-distance relationships are just as serious as normal relationships, and as such shouldn’t be rushed into. It is important to think about what kind of couple you are and whether you will be able to deal with the strain of being apart. If you feel that you are ready to go ahead with it, think about the nature of your relationship – what is most important to you, and how can you replicate this over a distance.

It is important to discuss the parameters of your relationship. How long will you be separated for in total and how often are you likely to see each other? If one of you is moving away indefinitely, it can be helpful to set a time (maybe after a year) at which point you can reassess the relationship and your options. If it’s still going strong, consider whether you would both want to live abroad together, or whether one of you should leave their job so that you can be together.

Technology: make it work for you

Gone are the days when ships would sail away, marking an end to communication for months on end. The internet has a wealth of facilities that can help you maintain normality in your relationship. Email, messenger services, Skype, and free text facilities are just a few of the ways that you can stay in touch with one another. Most psychologists recommend that couples in long-distance relationship both have internet in their homes and get webcams as these will greatly increase communication possibilities. However, if you prefer talking on the phone, check out contracts with international minutes, or SIM card services such as Lycamobile, which can work out a lot cheaper for calling abroad.

Useful as all these things can be, it is important that you agree on what you will use and how often. Some couples will want to talk every day, but make sure you both agree on something that suits you. Remember that time differences and schedules can drastically impact on when and how long you can speak for. If you can’t talk every day, think about sending emails or e-cards to let the other person know how you are. It’s important to treat your communication seriously, giving the other your full attention, and if you are going miss a ‘date’, let your partner know beforehand.

While the possibilities with technology are still limited, many people find that they can also aid communication and foster honesty and intimacy, since it can be easier (and less embarrassing) to talk about deep emotions or intimate thoughts on a messenger service, rather than face-to-face. Try out different types of communication and see what works for you.

Simulate a real relationship

In a standard relationship, a couple will spend time together doing things, not just talking. Many long-distance relationships find it helpful to watch a TV series, read a book or watch films ‘together’. If this is unrealistic in your relationship, try to watch films that the other has seen and likes, as this will give you things to talk about and keep your relationship interesting, while at the same time learning things about each other. Some couples enjoy playing multiplayer games online, or even play charades using a webcam! Share jokes or videos clips you have enjoyed. Being separated doesn’t mean losing the romance: send each other love letters, presents or flowers!

Communicating and trust are essential

Live your own life, too

While quality communication is important, it is equally essential to continue to develop your individuality so that you don’t become too reliant on your other half. Oddly enough, being separated can be a great time to start a new hobby or take up something you’ve enjoyed in the past. It will fill up your free time, stop you from becoming lonely and you could even make some new friends.

Jetset, go!

Thankfully, it’s easier and cheaper than ever before to travel around the world. Look out for cheap flights on budget airlines; sign up for the newsletter which alerts you of sales and good deals. Some newsletters even give you discount codes. It can be worthwhile exploring other forms of transport such as trains or coaches, and think about taking flights with a stop-off or change as these can be a much cheaper option. Always be planning or have your next visit planned, as this helps break up the time into manageable chunks and gives you something to look forward to. Planning can be a very positive and enjoyable activity to do together, as it focuses your thoughts on each other and helps you to get excited about the things you’re going to do together (even if planned events never actually happen, the time spent planning them was still well spent!)

Last but not least…

Any relationship that will succeed over a distance must have solid foundations built on trust and mutual understanding. It’s vital to be just as honest and open about your feelings when you are away as when you are together. Vocalising worries and doubts is a difficult but essential part of communication that should be maintained throughout a long-distance relationship. That said, burdening your other half with unfounded jealousies will only undermine your confidence in one another. Finally, remember that it’s just as hard for the person going away as for the person staying at home, so try not to get so wrapped up in your own problems that you forget to listen.

Maintaining a long-distance relationship requires just as much time, effort and patience as living under the same roof. But there’s no reason it can’t work. Inevitably your relationship will change, and the difficulties will persist even after you are together again. But a long-distance relationship can be as rewarding as it is challenging. As well as bringing about an increase in the number of couples living long-distance, the modern world has given us the technologies to overcome it. Inevitably, however, the final solution lies in your hands.

Should we protect unborn children?

The subject of abortion has long been a controversial and conflicting one. Policies regarding abortion vary across Europe and all around the world. Within the 27 countries of the European Union, the law extends from abortion being allowed only to save the life of the mother in Ireland to being available on request in countries such as France, Germany and Romania. The UK and Finland offer the option to mothers who are at risk physically or mentally and also for economic and social reasons. The gestational limit for legal abortions does vary within the EU and Malta is the only country to have banned abortion altogether.

With sex education, sexual health and sex in general being more and more openly discussed nowadays; it seemed just a matter of time before abortion would be advertised. In 2009 it was announced that there were plans for abortion advice to be advertised on television and radio in the UK. This was alongside plans to relax restrictions on advertising condoms as part of a scheme aiming to reduce high UK rates of teenage pregnancy and sexual infections.

The Broadcast Committee on Advertising Practice (BCAP) has said that the Independent Advisory Group on Sexual Health had called for a relaxation of the rules on condom advertising. This came after figures showed that over 11,000 under-16s were diagnosed with several sexually transmitted infections including Chlamydia, herpes and genital warts between 2002 and 2006. Along with this proposal was a chance for pregnancy advice services to advertise for the first time. However, they were informed that such advertisements would have to make it clear whether it referred women for abortions.

Andrew Brown, chairman of BCAP, stated that those drawing up the code aimed to set a high bar for social responsibility. “Our priority is to ensure that the rules remain relevant for the future so that consumers can continue to enjoy and trust the adverts they see,” he said.

So how did thousands of viewers feel when they witnessed the first ever pregnancy services advertisement on 24th May 2010? Shown on Channel 4 some time after 10pm, Marie Stopes became the first organisation to advertise abortion advice and of course it caused controversy.

Marie Stopes is one of the UK’s most well-known providers of sexual and reproductive healthcare services. Founded by Scottish doctor of the same name in 1921, their first ever clinic opened in Holloway, North London and played an important role in dispelling taboos surrounding sex and helped to improve reproductive health. Nowadays their nationwide network of clinics open their doors to over 100,000 men and women each year who seek advice, information and medical care. Working with nearly 70 Primary Care Trusts, Marie Stopes has long been recognised as a professional healthcare service, yet since its first advertisement was aired a few months ago, those who are anti-abortion have felt even more compelled to speak out.

The advertisement itself runs for approximately 32 seconds. It features three women of different ages and lifestyles who are all late and expecting their menstrual period. The advertisement simply reaches out to any women who are late and perhaps pregnant and offers them the Marie Stopes’ telephone number and website, which are sources of information and advice.

“Clearly there are hundreds of thousands of women who want and need sexual health information and advice, and access to services,” Marie Stopes International’s CEO Dana Hovig said. “Last year alone we received 350,000 calls to our 24 hour help line.”

A move to cut down on teen pregnancies?

There has been support for and defence of the controversial advert; with comments that it is a positive move at a time when the UK is experiencing criticism for its teenage pregnancy rates. Michele Tejani, a recently qualified nurse working at her local PCT in Harrow, North West London thinks that advertising abortion is a significant step forward: “On a daily basis at work I am seeing more and more younger children visiting the PCT for sexual advice. This is a shocking sign of the times but at the same time it seems unavoidable,” she says. “Perhaps if teenagers who are sexually active see these types of adverts they will understand the heartache and difficult decision-making that comes with having an abortion, and will think twice about the importance of contraception.”

As well as targeting young people, Marie Stopes are also reaching out to older women who perhaps have already started their family and find themselves in a difficult situation if they’ve fallen pregnant again and feel that they cannot cope. Some women may feel alone at a time like this and may feel they have nowhere to turn or could feel ashamed to visit their GP; this is where advertising pregnancy advice clinics is helpful as it gives women another option to consider.

But do sensible women really need to see an advert on television in order to be aware of the alternative choices? Could the Marie Stopes advert and future advertising be influencing women’s decisions? Anti-abortionists around the UK are evidently against this type of advertising describing it as “unnecessary, utterly grim and deeply sad.” Of course advertising has always been seen as a form of persuasion. Beauty products, flashy cars and sunny destinations are all advertised on television to entice and persuade the viewer to feel like they need this product in their life. But can the same be said for pregnancy advice adverts?

Marie Stopes argue that they are not trying to convince all pregnant women to have a termination. Their advertising is simply just a subtle way of letting females know that there are other options and that they are available to help. But the other side of the debate argues that by advertising abortion clinics, young people are more likely to see abortion as a form of contraception rather than a last resort. The number of females taking the morning after pill has certainly increased over the last few years in the UK as it is so easily available; is this conveying the wrong message to naïve teenagers who are too embarrassed to visit their GP to be prescribed the contraceptive pill? And will advertising abortion make matters worse?

Back in 2009, John Smeaton, the National Director of the Society for the Protection of Unborn Children, said that the proposal “threatens to further commercialise the killing of unborn children”. Fast forward to summer 2010 when abortion adverts have been aired on national television and the exact same argument still applies. Abortion is always going to be an option for women across Europe whether it is advertised or not. Perhaps the fact that Britain has the most liberal abortion laws in Europe contributes to the negative discussion surrounding the issue. However abolishing the advertisements isn’t going to change the fact that a woman in the UK can have a termination up to 24 weeks into her pregnancy and it should be recognised that organisations such as Marie Stopes are not trying to trick women into making a particular decision, but are simply letting them know that help is available.

The controversial Marie Stopes advert

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

It was in 1957, near the beginning of her long reign that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II made her first televised Christmas Day broadcast to British Commonwealth, in which she duly noted: “I cannot lead you into battle, I do not give you laws or administer justice”. Thus plainly and clearly pointing out the vast difference in the perception and the role of monarchies in modern society, compared to the medieval roots which many institutions are built upon.

Nowadays the role of monarchies, monarchs and their extended Royal Families are much harder to define. However Elizabeth II’s broadcast in 1957 which was pre-recorded and broadcast across the entire British Commonwealth highlighted what she considers her role, and the duty of monarchies, in the modern age as she offered her “heart” and her “devotion to these old islands and to all the peoples of our brotherhood of nations.”

Having worked for the British Royal Household myself, I have often been approached by people visiting Buckingham Palace and have been asked – sometimes not so subtly – what is the role of the Queen and Royal Family in the modern age. I am instructed to say that Her Majesty’s duty it to “serve the nation and her people” although of course this is extremely vague.

It is universally agreed upon that the days of political power merely de facto of their birth are over – however this does not mean that the concept of royalty and monarchy is dead. The 20th century witnessed great social and political change – the beginning of the century was one of Imperialism and Royal Absolutism – with the likes of Russia and Germany being ruled by autocratic emperors. However it was the monarchies that were willing to adapt that were able to survive and the end of the century saw the continuation of democracy and Constitutional Monarchies in nine of Europe’s major nations.

Historians may constantly brush over the importance of the monarchy and the sovereign’s role in society and politics. Although key events in modern history have often been influenced by the each country’s respective monarch, our modern day Kings and Queens such as Beatrix of the Netherlands do after all meet with, and discuss politics with, their respective Prime Ministers nearly every week.

Although this political influence is often ignored by political commentators and historians, as in most cases the monarch’s opinion and influence is never documented; rest assured it is there! It would be ignorant to disregard the wealth of experience and knowledge that our Kings and Queens have accumulated over the years.

The British Royal Family today

In the case of Elizabeth II, with her first Prime Minister being Winston Churchill, and having been informed of every political development in the country since 1952, it is safe to assume the Queen knows what is going on, and will always have some wise words of (very discreet and off the record) advice to give to the relevant ministers of the day. Surely this is a great benefit to modern democracy and stability – monarchs are the one constant in the ever changing world of politics.

The constant presence of the monarch and royalty also has a benefit of allowing them to become central to their respective country’s societies. Europe’s Kings and Queens have seen endless people come and go, as have their respective monarchies over their long and fruitful histories. Europe’s Royal Families not only serve in the political sphere but also serve the nation with their championing and support of charitable causes and appeals. This can be seen in many nations – with the Queen of Sweden co-founding the World Childhood Foundation in 1999 showing that royalty continue to involve themselves in charities, which they have done since the foundling concept of these organisations.

The history of royal involvement in philanthropy can be seen as HRH Princess Mary-Adelaide of Teck, born a British Princess was known as the first ‘People’s Princess’ due to her heavy support of voluntary and charitable organisations in the reign of Victoria. The effectiveness of royalty’s social-role can be seen through the positive responses to Prince William’s “Call to Arms” campaign in 2010. Many agree this is an exemplary way for the upper-classes to use their inherited wealth and status for the furtherance of social issues. Their experience of aiding charitable causes for generations will come to play an integral role in the future.

Royalty also plays other roles at the centre of our modern societies. They no longer rule us, so instead of looking to our Monarchs and Royal Families for guidance, we look to them for support and reassurance of stability and continuity. The can be seen as far back as George III who wished to present the image of a united family that symbolised the nation – indeed in the reign of Queen Victoria, as the time when the role of the British royal family and monarch in society was being defined as “the family on the throne”. In many respects, this is how royalty have become viewed in the modern age; we look to our Royal Families to encapsulate morality and traditional values. We place them at the heart of the nation – symbolically and culturally. This can be seen through the great excitement that occurs around royal events as simple and “normal” as weddings, christenings and funerals.

The great importance that these “ordinary” family events have for the people of each Royal Family’s respective countries can be seen through the vast crowds and public interest surrounding these relatively personal ceremonies. The recent wedding of HRH the Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden was covered everywhere from HOLA! Magazine in Spain to British Grazia.

Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden

In Britain this popular support was seen via the celebrations that surrounded the Golden Jubilee; an event which was predicted by some to become an abject failure and symbol of the decline of monarchical support. However those who doubted were proved wrong.

Very wrong!

The celebrations culminated in a weekend of events in June, which saw the largest crowd gathered outside Buckingham Palace and on the Mall since the V-E Day celebrations in 1945. A defiant symbol of the central place monarchy still holds in the nation and society as a whole.

If one is to look past the palaces, the carriages, the beautiful dresses and priceless jewels, there is an institution that is central and integral to the nation; both politically and socially.

As society, Europe and the world changes – I personally feel safe that one constant always remains. As these institutions adapt, which they do with each successive generation, I am looking forward to seeing what the future holds.

The choice is yours...

When you saw the title of this article, did you have flashbacks to ‘80s style Saturday nights in front of the TV? Indeed, the idea of a blind date may well conjure up nothing but mental images of Cilla Black with a shock of a hair set. But besides from some glottal Liverpudlian hooking up girls called ‘Clerrr’ with blokes in search of  not much else but a free holiday in the Seychelles, blind dates do actually happen. And no, that disembodied voice known as ‘Our Graham’ commentating your every move never shows up either.

Okay, so generally, we’re all more or less familiar with the drill on dating. The common sense advice therein applies across the dating board, but when it comes to the ‘blind date’ (i.e. going out with a guy/ girl you’ve never met in person before) there are a few extras to consider. Because we at Running In Heels love to make sure you get the most out of life, here’s our guide to the Blind Date.

Is Blind Dating for You?

There’s no one set of rules to going in blindfolded, but if you’re the type of person who’s not happy stepping a millimetre out of your comfort zone, then rocking up on a date with someone you’ve not met isn’t going to be your thing. We’re not suggesting that blind dates are all zip wires and adrenalin, but it helps to have an open mind and a splash of spontaneity. Basically, what we’re saying is that if you know you’re a control freak, you will probably be really freaked. There’s never any point to stressing yourself out so if this is the case, it’s better to stick to more traditional dating methods. However, if you’re game for a bit of adventure, read on….

Baggin’ a Blinder

Things have moved on a lot since Emma Woodhouse went around playing Cupid. The internet and all its social networking sites (not to mention actual proper dating sites) has pretty much rendered the Emmas and Cillas of this world out of a job. However, it’s totally up to you how you want to go about arranging a blind date. If you have a trusted friend who knows lots of lovely chaps; or are happy following up friends’ passing remarks about how well you’d get on with this guy or that girl; or in fact trust no-one but yourself to choose potential dates, then go with whatever you’re most comfortable doing. Yes, being comfortable is very important in this case. So is being safe…

Safety Safety Safety

Look, we don’t want to sound like your mum, but we can’t emphasise enough the importance of being aware of your personal safety. If you’ve gone down the online route be mindful of the risks you run engaging with anyone in this context. We’re assuming straight off that you’re at least over the age of consent here. If you’re not, please navigate away from this page and get on with your homework. If a date’s origins began online, it’s trickier to ensure whoever it is you’re arranging to meet isn’t a total psycho. Get as much info off your date-to-be as you possibly can without coming off all Gestapo and make up your adult mind based on this. Mind you, the safety rule applies even to blind dates set up through people you know, but at least with this, the subject of your date will come with some kind of character reference.

Arranging a Hook Up

With the above safety lecture in mind, plan your venue. Public places with other people around is the general order of the day for any first date but especially so of it’s a blind one. Where possible, choose somewhere that you are familiar with: not only does this tend to lessen nerves slightly, chances are you’re savvy with how to get there and back without getting lost. If your date isn’t au fait with your agreed venue, that’s their call. But meeting at a location you both have in common is a good foot to start off on anyway: if nothing else, it’s indicative of shared interests on some level.

Communicate some before the blind date

That said it’s best to avoid somewhere you go all the time, where your friends or regular acquaintances are likely to be hanging out too. There’s nothing worse than having your blind date gate-crashed. If your date suggests their local, gently veer them away from the idea. Maybe you’ve been to a nice restaurant or café two or three times which comes with your recommendation? Or perhaps there’s a gallery you’ve been meaning to check out?

Venue no-nos are those where comfortable communication is thrown down the dust pipe. Cinemas, gigs, clubs and super busy bars are generally out. The whole point of the date is to get to know each other, albeit a bit better if you’ve been corresponding beforehand (see below). So if your chit chat is drowned out by music or totally disallowed because you’ve gone to see a film, you’re not going to come away with a better idea of what your date’s like. This might be totally alright with you, and Go Karting or paintballing is your idea of a great time. Fine. But chances are for most, if you’re getting bustled or having to yell to hear each other, you’re going to get irritated. And that’s not exactly going to make the best of impressions, now, is it?

Bear in mind times of day and days of the week. Without wishing to state the obvious, you run a better chance of sitting down in a restaurant that’s nicely peopled, yet not groaning under the weight of the weekend rush on, say, a Wednesday. Maybe you’d prefer to meet for mid-morning coffee? In short, do what makes you feel confident, safe and comfortable.

Getting To Know Your Date…

It might contradict the whole idea of a blind date, but getting to know the person slightly beforehand is recommended for two reasons.

Firstly, refer back to the paragraph on safety. Secondly, communicating ahead of your date will likely give you both things to talk about and pertinent questions you can ask. Maybe your date mentioned a couple of days ago that they have a job interview the morning of your arranged meet up? Or perhaps it turns out they went to the same gig as you last week? However you choose to communicate – by text, email, social networking site or even by phone – be mindful of going overboard: don’t spill everything about yourself before you meet and most importantly, if you feel you’re really into the person already, don’t get all bunny boiler on them if they don’t reply to an email or text straight away. Retain a little mystery and exercise a modicum of cool.

Pre-Date Nerves

Blind or not, we all get pre-date nerves. You’ll have heard it a million times, but just remember that your date is likely just as nervous as you are. Sure, nerves will be intensified by the prospect of meeting a person you’ve not actually seen in the flesh before. Don’t get worked up by this.

Here’s the trick: when it comes to blind dating, suspend all sense of expectation and keep your mind well and truly open. By approaching the date with no preconceived ideas beyond that of your own responsibility, you lessen the impact of any negative feelings that might crop up. Look at the date as nothing more than an adventure at this stage. Even if you don’t end up having all that great a time with a Mr Darcy of sorts, you have had an experience and it’s totally up to you what you make of that.

The Time Has Come

So, you’re officially on your date. Here are a few things to think about to help make your blind date go as smoothly and successfully as possible…

What to Wear

We’re not saying you’re the kind of person who reminds people of Jodie Marsh sartorially, but do avoid anything that verges on ‘in yer face’. That goes without saying really. Equally, make it look like you’ve made an effort too. If you’re going to your date straight from work, for example, and don’t want to lug a change of clothes around, jazz up your look with jewellery or a to-die-for pair of shoes. Also, freshening yourself up will freshen up your mind. After all, you don’t want to be in boardroom zone.

Cornered by Conversation

Remember that just because you’ve both paused with the talking for two minutes doesn’t mean that the date is going down the crapper. You don’t need to fill air space and start asking things you have no interest in hearing the answer to. Let them take the cue if you feel it’s right. Do ask your date questions about themselves; don’t be an inquisitor.

Try not to get blitzed on your date...

Be Yourself

Yeah. Simple as that. Be you. There’s no point in not being true to yourself. After all, if you want to take it further with a date, what’s the point in being an actor?

Cheers!

If your blind date involves alcohol, keep a check on how much you’re sinking. Being puritan is equally as off-putting (unless you don’t drink, of course) but don’t get blitzed. Yup; there’s the safety bell again! Don’t make yourself unnecessarily vulnerable, even if your judgement tells you that your date is top flippin’ drawer. It’s not just your date; it’s other people too, especially if you’re going to be making your way home alone. Not only might you scare your date off completely if you get bladdered – keep in mind the first impression thing! – more importantly, you might end up doing things you regret: dancing on the table, impro karaoke, crying, or…

The Sex Factor

…ending up between the sheets. Right, so. This is a delicate topic, because at the end of the day, it’s entirely up to you what to do. But because the date is blind, doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye on not giving everything away in one go. Yes, this applies to any date situation. Basically, if the only reason you’ve ventured out on a blind date in the first place is to bag a shag, you got it all wrong, sister. If you like the person, intensify the excitement by retaining your mystery, theirs and the impetus to arrange a second date. And a third. And however many you want before you get down and dirty. Just respect yourself. And by gum, do not be pressured into doing anything you’re not 100% comfortable with. Capiche?

The ‘Emergency’ Phone Call

This old chestnut, hey? There are two sides to this blatant lie: on the one hand, your date isn’t going to fall for it. Fact. However, if you do fall back on the whole, “I’m sorry, my cat’s really ill. I’ve got to go,” thing, at least your date might get the message that you probably won’t be up for a second meeting. It’s a bit cowardly, a tiny bit nasty and only to be used if your date really is a bore and not reading you.

Even if halfway through the date you make your mind up that round two is unlikely, do try and stick with it until you’ve at least finished dessert. This is why it’s a good idea to hold your date on a school night. If anything, this affords you the excuse to make it home promptly because you need to get up for work. Apply the same sort of idea with a coffee date, or whatever you choose. Don’t give them reason to think you’re a bitch – especially if a mutual friend was responsible for the hook up – and don’t be so polite that it looks like you sat on a pole somewhere between starters and main. Just maintain your integrity while respecting the other person: they have feelings too.

The Blind Date Debrief

So, how did it go?

● Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! If you’ve already arranged a second date or have promised to call each other to do so, then congratulations. Looks like the start of something blindly beautiful.

They're all experiences. Yes, even the terrible ones.

● Maybe? Feelin’ indecisive while you recall the events of last night at your work station in the sober light of day? Bear in mind that your date might not have been on top form under the circumstances. For example, some people babble when they’re nervous. Some people are edgy. Some people are total lunatics, but, in more relaxed situations are actually cool as heck. Give yourself time to ruminate on this. This will also mean that you have time to see what move your date makes: are they calling you every half hour to tell you what an amazing time they had? How do you feel about that?

It’s worth considering going in for another date if you’re in two minds, but think about doing something totally different instead. Placing your date in a different context might help with your appraisal. And then, take it from there. But remember… If you’re feeling lukewarm, arrange to see each other again in a week or so’s time: don’t accept his or her offer of a meet the very next night as this could send out all the wrong messages and land you up in hot water.

● No way Jose! Well, fair dos if it’s mutual. You’ve had an experience. However, if you’ve written off further encounters but your date is pressing to see you again ASAP, the best way to handle this is to suspend getting emotional. Don’t text them to tell them that they’re a psycho ape and that they need to get out of your life or else. Give them the benefit of the doubt and let them figure out that by you not replying to all of their multiple texts and not answering every call they make means that you’re not hanging on the phone waiting for them to get in touch. We’ve all had the shoe on the other foot: think about what you thought when the guy / girl you were hell bent on seeing wasn’t exactly bending over backwards to reciprocate. We’re all intelligent enough to second guess a no go, so let them do the maths.

Oh, and one last thing: honour your date’s reputation. Plastering the details of your evening – however great or ghastly – in your status update is quite frankly disrespectful. At least change their name.

Stepping out of the shadows in politics?

For centuries women and men have had well defined and different gender roles, in society as well as in the intimacy of their houses. Then, little by little, the process to correct the disparity that has always weighed in disfavour of the female universe has started. Equality between women and men has become a commonly accepted value, at least in theory. Many have agreed that gender should not constitute a barrier and that the same opportunities should be available for both sexual categories.

The discrepancy between the recognition of gender parity as a universal value and its effective realisation reveals, nonetheless, the imperfections of our society. This is extremely evident when the participation of women in politics is taken into account. Even in highly developed countries such as the EU members.

The potential behind increased female participation in politics and first of all in the decision-making process is extremely important. Women constitute half of the world population and, therefore, should have a decisive role in promoting legislation that takes into consideration their needs and rights. In addition, women are endowed with specific qualities and skills that could only represent an additional value to society. Their capacities of deep insight and connection with their own and other people’s emotions could be an invaluable instrument in defining the priorities of society.

Yet women’s power is still underestimated. In the European Parliament, for example, only 35% of the members elected in 2009 are women. Even in national parliaments the role of female politicians is quite limited. Scandinavian countries usually score better. According to the comprehensive Database on Women and Men in Decision-Making built by the European Commission the best performing country is Sweden, with 47% of female representatives in its national assemblies. Denmark, Finland and Norway follow closely, with a female political presence oscillating between 38% and 40%. These results, although distant from the ideal fifty-fifty division of elective seats, are quite positive when compared to those scored by other European countries. In Spain a mere 34% of the members of the national parliaments are women. Italy does worse, with at most 20% of female members and only 5 women heading minor ministries in Silvio Berlusconi’s 27-ministry cabinet.

Even if we look at the issue of gender discrimination on a wider scale things are rather bleak. The Global Gender Gap Report published in 2009 by the World Economic Forum, that quantifies the levels of gender-based disparities around the world in different social, economic and political fields, reveals that Italy, Czech Republic, Cyprus and Greece are the lowest ranking EU countries in the list. This is certainly worrying, especially considered that even the majority of former communist countries, which usually register a certain degree of anti-feminism and apolitical attitude among the female population, scored better than them. While Italy ranks 72^nd and Greece 85^th, Lithuania (which in 2009 elected its first female president, Dalia Grybauskaitė), Belarus, Moldova, Romania, Bulgaria, Estonia and Poland do all better than them. Even Germany and the United Kingdom betray expectations, ranking only 12^th and 15^th, despite the former can boast a popular and successful female Chancellor such as Angela Merkel and the latter had its first female Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, in the distant 1979.

A great number of people in Europe, however, are involved in the fight against gender disparity in politics. In 1996 the European Union’s Council of Ministers recommended the member states to introduce measures to promote more balance in the decision-making process from a gender point of view. Among the steps taken by the European Commission, on the other hand, there are awareness campaigns on the issue of sexual discrimination, the analysis of trends and data collection. In June 2008, moreover, the European Commission has launched the European Network of Women in Decision-Making in Politics and Economy that proposes to become an importation platform to stimulate debate and progress in the area. So far, European countries have been quite reluctant, nevertheless, to introduce the legal and political changes required for the system to become fairer to women.

Italian Minister Mara Carfagna

Although 19 out of 27 countries condemn gender discrimination in their Constitution, only five (Belgium, Spain, France, Portugal and Slovenia) have introduced some form of ‘pink’ quota to guarantee women’s representation in politics. France was the first in 1999 when Lionel Jospin’s government introduced a law that required the same number of men and women in some types of electoral lists. The response to this kind of legislation, however, has been extremely limited, and not only because of the obstructionism of the more traditionalist groups of society.

There is an ongoing debate on whether the introduction of ‘pink’ quotas is the best way to promote the so-called gender mainstreaming (the consideration of gender as a dimension to be taken into account in all political, economic and societal spheres in order for women and men to benefit equally from legislation and policies). A Euro barometer survey published in 2009 shows that 77% of women think that politics is still dominated by men, but only 10% are in favour of a ‘pink’ quotas system.

Some groups reject the introduction of quotas as an unfair advantage in a world that should be neuter-gendered. The truth is, however, that there are still many who do not share the idea that women should play a role in politics. This is often the result of a backward environment, still anchored to old stereotypes. The only way to fight this environment is to support a radical transformation of the society. ‘Pink’ quotas are a good idea only as far as they can help identify the need for a bigger change. To help women to empower themselves has to become the real priority, if we really want to achieve aware and mature gender equality.

Sunny days are just around the corner

Note to self: be positive!

On bright days when our cup runneth over, it’s easy to be optimistic and roll with the punches – positive thinking is second nature to us. However, not every day is a bright day. Sometimes, we wake up to find that, overnight, while nothing has actually changed in our lives, the world has fallen off kilter… The job offer that yesterday seemed so promising, today looks dead-end and badly-paid. The home in which we felt so comfortable now looks pokey and shabby. The relationships that seemed secure now appear shallow and tenuous. Most of us want to act in these moments. We want to get to work fixing the problems we perceive to be the cause of our misery. We never stop to realise that the only thing that has changed between yesterday and today is our mood, which is a result of our thinking.

What we need at these times is not a solution but a mental shake. When film characters get the blues, they inevitably sit at a bar – alone – and happen to get talking to some gorgeous, semi-mystic stranger who sees into their troubled soul and says something profound and perceptive that gives them just the boost they need. How convenient. Sadly, life isn’t a film, and I have never happened upon a man in a bar who looks like Hugh Jackman and spouts the wisdom of the Dalai Lama. Maybe I’m going to the wrong bars…

So, we have to create our own contingency plans. Less glamorous than a divine stranger with just the right thing to say but just as effective is the classic note-to-self scrawled on the humble post-it note. I believe in the power of the ‘Universe’ as much as the next girl, but I also believe in the power of me and my own capacity to pull myself out of the doldrums. I don’t want to leave it to the universe or wait for Hugh Jackman to walk into my life and deliver the killer line that parts the clouds; I take matters into my own hands. I’m preparing now for the days when I’m not my usual sunny self that brims over with perspective – scrawling notes to myself on post-its to be re-read when that little mental shake is needed. So, here are the top three pieces of advice I’d like to come across on a rainy day. The snippets of wisdom that seem so blindingly obvious in the moment, but that I know I’ll forget on my off days.

Worry is like a Rocking Horse

You can sit and rock all day but it won’t get you anywhere. We’ve all been there. It’s 3 a.m. and sleep just isn’t happening. We toss and turn and contemplate the day to come. In that moment, even the prospect of a weekend away can take on elephantine proportions and spawn a thousand possibilities for disaster. These range from the practical (Will I get the train on time?) to the anxiously speculative (Maybe I should take the walking boots, after all. What if it rains?), and the downright ridiculous (What if the B&B doesn’t have muesli– I’ll have to eat a full English breakfast – I’ll balloon at least two sizes overnight…). This type of worry is like that rocking horse. No matter how much you stew and how many scenarios you envisage, it will never get you anywhere.

So what do you do at 3 a.m., when the demons circle your bed? The first thing to do is get up and take action to allay the more practical concerns. Make sure the alarm is set, take a quick look at your hotel reservation, pack the walking boots. Then, choose a couple of your more left-field worries and logically deconstruct them: “OK, the B&B might not have muesli, but that doesn’t mean I have to scoff a full fry-up. Two days is not going to make a difference on the scales, and even if it does, letting go for a couple of days will be a well-earned treat, besides the fact that having breakfast cooked for me is a huge luxury to be enjoyed and not feared!”

Then, when you’ve taken action to turn the flood of worries into a trickle, get off the rocking horse. Simply stop engaging in those thoughts. Dismount, and trust that whatever happens, you’ll deal with it as best you can – and feel safe in the knowledge that your best will be so much better after a good night’s sleep.

Bing and Rosemary see the positive side

Put a Positive Spin on it

Remember the film White Christmas? If you haven’t seen it, break with tradition and watch it now – in the middle of summer. One of my favourite scenes is when Bing Crosby sings to the classy but sleepless Rosemary Clooney:

“When I am worried and I can’t sleep,

I count my blessings instead of sheep.

And I fall asleep counting my blessings.

When my bankroll is getting small,

I think of when I had none at all.

And I fall asleep counting my blessings.”

Sage advice indeed. It’s hard to stay gloomy when you’re listing all the things that good in your life. Now, I know what you’re going to say: when you’re feeling down, it feels as if nothing is good. Well, that’s just the point. For example, today the world is against me: it’s raining, I have a really busy work day, I ladder my tights (naturally), I miss the bus, and by the time I arrive at work (late), my morale is in my boots. It takes some effort to find gratitude, but it’s right now that it’s most required. I start listing: ok, rain – what’s good about rain? Well, I won’t have to water the garden this evening. Next, busy day – I’m in demand and my opinion is respected, so people ask me to be in meetings, that’s a good thing. OK, the tights were a casualty of my own haste and are hard to spin… erm, good excuse to buy some fabulous glossy hold-ups! And, yes, the bus was late, but at least I got a seat. It can take Herculean force to cross to the sunny side of the street when the cosmos plots against you, but even finding the tiniest silver lining helps. And your list will always increase exponentially – gratitude breeds gratitude.

JUST STOP!

When you’re in a negative spiral, it can feel like driving a car too fast on a slippery road approaching a bend. Panic causes paralysis, and we have a tendency to freeze and, ironically, accelerate. On the days when a pity party sounds like fun, a similar kind of emotional panic sets in. Your logical brain knows you’re behind the wheel and, technically, in control, but your feet can’t seem to find the brakes. You know that staying in your bathrobe isn’t helping, that the portable black hole you bought to crawl into is not the answer, and that listening to Céline’s rendition of “All By Myself” on a loop is propelling you into worryingly Bridget-esque territory, but your wagon of self-flagellation continues to career towards the abyss.

What will it take to make you hit the brakes? We all take the hint when we see a red light or a stop sign. Well, now’s the time for a well-placed roadside stop sign. A big, red circle screaming DESIST! – yes, you can even give it an exclamation mark if you like. Imagine your roadside STOP sign and mentally obey. STOP. STOP. STOP. Stop hitting yourself over the head and move your arse. Right, that’s enough wallowing. Stand up, put on some music, dance, sing, go to the cinema, have a shower, phone a friend, take a walk, bake a cake, clear out your wardrobe, clean the bathroom … embark upon any activity other than self-destructive thinking.

Put the duvet away and turn Céline off!

Be Prepared!

There’s a lot to be said for a Post-It. When the blues come to call, we all need something to shake us awake and back into positivity – or at least something to make us realise that we’re just in a low mood and that action is unnecessary. It is on such dark days that we most need our inner wisdom and yet, in one of life’s cruelly ironic twists, it is in precisely these moments that our wisdom is the least accessible to us.

So, in true Boy Scout fashion, be prepared. Keep a list of mood-boosting techniques you’ll be glad to re-read in times of trouble. What about making a list of the perfect films to watch and songs to play? Add some photos of amazing times in your life, a pressed flower from a treasured bouquet, a favourite poem. Remind yourself of the best people to call, and call them. Going out and spending time with other people is often the last thing you want to do when you’re feeling down, but it never fails to give you much-needed perspective.

Whether it’s just enjoying the company of people you love (yes, you do have some – seriously, turn that flippin’ Céline song off!) or listening to someone else’s problems and realising that yours are not the only crises in the world. In fact, reaching out a hand to someone in need – listening to a friend, offering help with a project, or simply doing something spontaneously nice for someone – is the ultimate mood-booster. Not out of some kind of schadenfreude, but because being of service and bringing joy to others is the quickest route to bringing joy to yourself. And if you believe you can’t do much, think on the words of Mother Teresa: “We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do”.

And, if worst comes to worst, offer up your problem to the universe: take your reminder list to read at a local café, treat yourself to a frothy coffee, and keep an eye out for that Hugh/Dalai hybrid. You never know…